


Crash Into You

by themthere_taterthings



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Clint Barton & Tony Stark Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Touching, Pre-Relationship, Tony Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-19 19:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4758518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themthere_taterthings/pseuds/themthere_taterthings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's a TA with too much on his plate: grad school, thesis, multiple majors, the works. Now some babbling, bumbling, blonde baffoon on a bicycle has just ruined his day... Or not, because Bucky's there and Bucky think's Tony's too cute for words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alternate Means of Transportation

**Author's Note:**

> Probably going to be a part 2. Had a bicycle wreck this weekend. Yay inspiration!

Tony decided that he needed one more arm, possibly four as he attempted to keep his many folders and books balanced in his hands. The folders were full of assorted blueprints for his thesis project or papers he had to grade for the class he was TA for. He shifted his bag on his shoulder to check his watch. The class he was probably going to be late for.

Maybe a clone would be a better idea, a live model decoy he could send to teach chemistry to the undead masses (aka undergraduates) while he took a freaking nap. He could incorporate an AI, perhaps with an artificial flesh? No, that’s a bit too Schwarzenegger. A nap, on the other hand, sounded fantastic. He’d been up nearly all weekend prepping for teaching this week’s labs; he’d forgotten how tedious it was to titrate pH solutions. Just another reason why he hated the soft sciences but he’d nearly missed the grad school application deadline, so he was lucky to get any kind of position, really. Yes, really, he was grateful. He scoffed aloud and took a sip of his coffee. Or tried to. How long had those paperclips been hanging out of his lips?

Was it really only Monday? Was he at the fracking chemistry building yet? He hated walking across campus. Too many idiots in his way, being too loud. Maybe rocket boots? Jet packs were too plebian, but rocket boots would be beyond sweet.

“Hey Thor! Over here!” someone yelled. Speaking of too loud….

“Aye Steven! How fares your afternoon?” Tony winced. This person was even louder! Granted, they were outside on the Quad, but this guy needed an ‘inside’ outside voice. This guy was on a bicycle, coming Tony’s way. Quite possibly the largest man he’d ever seen. Tony slowed his pace out of incredulity. In his tank top, the blonde behemoth was all shoulder and bicep. Very tan, long blonde hair, former beach bum perhaps?

“Thor! Thor! Watch where you’re..!” Oh, He-Man was still talking to someone, waving, and looking but still bicycling straight for Tony. Shit, was all he had time to think as he braced for impact.

*****

Bucky was sitting outside the chemistry building going through his notes before lab with Steve, just enjoying the late fall weather before the cold sank in. He’d spent a semester abroad in Russia and he’d decided he did not like snow nor vodka anymore.

Steve elbowed him in the ribs and nodded to his left with a knowing smirk. Bucky looked and elbowed Steve right back, harder. It was the TA for their next class, Tony. Bucky definitely regretted telling Steve that he thought Tony was cute, not that Steve couldn’t have guessed his infatuation anyway. Steve was pretty good at context clues, like how Bucky couldn’t take notes in class because he couldn’t take his eyes off of Tony. If it weren’t for Steve, Bucky would quite possibly have blown up the lab several times over and probably lost his eyebrows along the way.

It wasn’t his fault Tony was so darn cute! His handsome goatee, his fluffy hair that was always being aggravated by frantic calloused hands. Tony’s hands… Bucky had many a dirty thought about those hands, small and strong just like the man himself. Bucky wasn’t sure how much taller he was than Tony as he’d never actually had the balls to talk to him.

Tony looked especially tired today. Some days he explained the lab procedures and passed out face-first in a textbook until someone had a question and woke him up. That person was usually Steve, who did it to drive Bucky crazy. Tony was even more adorable when he’d just woken up; he’d rub his eyes with the back of hands like a child, fluff his hair aggressively, and make a pouty face at Steve. It made Bucky’s stomach do flips and his heart tighten with want.

Tony had a giant coffee in one hand, per usual, and a precarious pile of books and folders in the other arm and his well-worn brown leather messenger bag slung over one shoulder. He yawned, looked lost in thought, face flitting through a wide array of expressions he probably had no idea he was making. Bucky smiled as Tony lifted his coffee to his mouth only to find that he had at least four paper clips pursed between his lips. Bucky watched closely and was rewarded with Tony’s confused and aggravated eyebrow furrow. That eyebrow furrow was, like everything Tony, adorable.

“Hey Thor! Over here!” Steve yelled and waved. Coming from the opposite direction of Tony was Thor, riding his bicycle. Thor was one of Steve’s football buddies and probably the sweetest, most oblivious guy on campus. Thor replied loudly and started pedaling their way with haphazard disregard for the underclassmen in his way. Most of them were paying attention and scrambled around him in safety, but there was one person who was definitely in their own world…. Tony.

“Thor! Thor! Watch where you’re..!” he yelled, jumping to his feet. Thor turned his attention back to his path just in time to avoid hitting Tony straight-on. They collided, and Tony disappeared underneath Thor and his bike with a surprised yell. Coffee and books went flying as everything went down in a chaotic heap.

Bucky and Steve went running over. Steve pulled an apologizing and shame-faced Thor off of the ground and Bucky roughly shoved the bike off of Tony. Tony’s eyes were closed and he wasn’t moving.

“Tony? Tony, hey. Are you ok?” Bucky was panicking a bit and didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Clint was at his side.

“Shit guys! Thor what the hell was that?! You’ve got to pay attention dude!” He pushed Bucky’s hovering hands away. Bucky could hear a deep buzz that was Thor apologizing again and Steve telling him it was going to be ok but he was focused on what Clint was saying and Tony’s slack face. “I saw from across the way, this guy slammed his head pretty good. Buck, let’s get him sitting up.” Slowly, Bucky lifted Tony from the ground and braced him upright with an arm around his slim shoulders, partially leaning against Bucky’s chest. Clint prodded gently at the back of Tony’s head and swore when it came away red. “Fuck buckets. Steve run grab Bruce.”

“Where is he?” Steve asked.

“Probably the TA lounge,” Clint said, gesturing vaguely at the chemistry building with his bloody hand. Steve nodded and took off at a sprint. There was a chance he’d be back just as fast with Bruce slung over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Steve was pretty efficient.

Tony groaned and his eyelashes fluttered. They were really pretty eyelashes. “Hey Tony, are you with us? You ok?” he asked.

“Come on, man. Open your eyes,” added Clint, still squatting on the ground with them.

Tony’s eyes opened, brown orbs not quite focused or tracking.“Wa’circus?” he asked. 

“The circus?” Clint asked, looking even more worried, if possible. “Shit, he’s hallucinating! Where’s Bruce?!” he cried. 

“Blonde. Bear… on a….bike. Hit me,” Tony spoke each word slowly. His eyes landed on Thor. “Blondie bear!” he suddenly yelled, pointing somewhat at Thor and somewhat 10 feet to Thor’s left. “Bastard.” Everyone was now smiling at Tony’s phrasing. At this point, Steve had returned with Bruce in tow. 

Clint stood and gestured at his spot by Tony’s side, where Bruce knelt. “Hey Tony, how you feeling?” 

While Bruce examined Tony, asking him small questions like what year it was, how many fingers, etc. Clint was organizing Steve and Thor to gather Tony’s things that had gone flying. Bucky watched Steve jog around the Quad gathering as many loose papers as he could find.

“Ok Tony. I think you’re concussed. I’m going to take your class and Bucky here’s going to walk you to the campus Health Center for a quick checkup, ok?” Bruce looked up at Bucky questioningly. Bucky nodded. There was no way anyone else would be taking Tony to the health center.

Tony finally looked up at Bucky, his head was now resting in the crook of Bucky’s elbow, the rest of his body splayed out against Bucky’s side. He smiled hugely and it lit up his face, Bucky couldn’t help but smile back. Tony was beautiful. “Bucky,” he said in a near whisper and Bucky had to stop himself from a full-body shiver at the sound of his name on Tony’s lips. Tony flapped a hand up toward Bucky’s face and grabbed a handful of his long black hair that had somehow escaped its ponytail. He was surprisingly gentle with the hair as he ran his fingers through it and the hand dropped heavily back in his lap. “Hmmm… soft Bucky-bear. I knew it.” 

Blushing slightly at the endearment, Bucky looked up at Bruce who was smiling and shaking his head. “All I can say, from experience, is that Tony’s a cuddly drunk. I’m guessing that also applies to head injuries. Good luck Barnes. This is our address, I’d appreciate it if you could take him here after a doctor looks at him. I won’t be done on campus for a few hours.” He handed Bucky a sticky note with an address scrawled across it.

“I’ll stay with him, no problem. Stevie can bring me the homework,” he replied, pocketing the note. 

Bruce stood and glanced at his watch. “Got to run and take care of this class, see you later.” It appeared that most of the group had wandered off, with the exception of Clint. 

“Everyone went to class. Steve has Tony’s stuff, said he’d bring it by later. Let’s get him standing, huh? Then I got to skidaddle too.” Together they managed to manhandle Tony into a standing position. He immediately groaned, doubled over, and vomited into the nearby grass. Bucky’s arms around his waist were the only things keeping him up. 

“Ugh… definitely a concussion,” Clint said with a grimace. He pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped Tony’s mouth before slipping it in Tony’s back pocket.

“A hanky? Really Clint?” Bucky raised an eyebrow, fighting a smile.

“Shut up and take your boyfriend to the clinic,” Clint shot back. He gave Tony’s shoulder a squeeze, gave Bucky a mock salute, and took off. 

Grinning wildly and blushing a bit, wondering how much of this afternoon Tony would remember, Bucky pulled Tony’s arm over his shoulder, grabbed him around the waist and started walking. “Ok Tony, let’s get to the clinic.” 

“Okie dokie Bucky Bear,” he sing-songed in reply. His eyes were shut but he was smiling.


	2. Shortcuts Through Dark Alleys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint was just looking for a fun Friday night with his friends, but he's attacked by a stranger and his TA, Tony comes to his rescue. (How Clint and Tony became best bros who watch Tom Hanks rom-coms).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really has nothing to do with the first chapter! It's some background into the Clint and Tony friendship, sadly no Ironhawk here. 
> 
> It does have elements of Non-Con, so please be aware! Nothing graphic tho. Probably crap characterization of that sort of trauma recovery.
> 
> Since this chapter kinda popped out of nowhere, I'll be adding a few more for the actual Bucky/Tony bits. Stay tuned!

Clint strolled casually into class ten minutes late, winked at Bruce who just shrugged and continued writing the day’s lab objectives on the whiteboard with a green marker. He slid into Bucky’s usual seat next to Steve, blithely ignoring the stink eye aimed at him from his assigned lab partner. Honesty, Clint didn’t even remember the dude’s name.

He clambered atop the metal lab stool, crouching on the balls of his feet, elbows to knees. “You heard from Bucky yet?” he whispered to Steve.

Steve shot him an incredulous look. “No, it’s only been a few minutes. They’re probably not even to the clinic yet. It is like halfway across campus from here. Please sit down, Clint. You’re making me nervous.” Despite his words, Steve pulled his phone from his pocket and checked for any incoming texts.

“Sitting down makes me nervous,” Clint bit out, a bit too harshly. Steve arched an eyebrow at him.

“Don’t tell me you have a secret thing for Tony, too. Honestly, I don’t think I can handle that much pining. Buck’s bad enough.” His blue eyes twinkled with mirth. Clint knew Steve was just trying to cheer him up.

“No, man. It’s just…,” he trailed off. How much could he tell Steve? They weren’t close friends, but if he was going to tell anyone about that night, he couldn’t find a more understanding and sympathetic audience. Tony had been gently encouraging him to share with someone else for a while, maybe he was ready.

Breathing out a huge and surprisingly shaky breath, he quickly checked that no one else was within earshot. “Tony’s a really good guy when you get to know him and he did me a solid last semester. I… I owe him. Big time.” Clint looked up to see that Steve was looking at him, not pushing, but gently encouraging, as if he could sense the gravity of what Clint had to reveal. 

“Remember last March when that new club down on 88th opened?” Steve nodded. “Yeah, so I went with Peter but we ran into Gwen so I was pretty much rocking the solo thing. Had a couple beers, hit the dance floor, was having a good time.” This was when it started to get fuzzy, he couldn’t recall when anyone would have had a chance to slip anything into his drink. 

_ The room was spinning around him, the flashing lights and laughing faces whirling across his vision so fast it left him gasping. Despite the music pumping so loud he could feel it in his ribs he could hear only a dull buzzing, like his brain was going numb.  _

_ Suddenly, there was an arm around his waist and a body pressed up against him, slim and warm. Lips were pressed against his ear, and long dark hair tickled his face. “You look like you could use some air,” the stranger nearly purred. Clint tried to get his mouth to connect to his brain or better yet his legs, but he was being led outside the club, apparently unprotestingly.  _

_ He did not like where this was going, but there was still a huge gap in his ability to think and actually implementing any of those thoughts. Sometime later they were in an alley, alone, and he was being pushed roughly against a brick wall, lips harshly attacking his mouth. It seemed like the other man’s hands were everywhere, grabbing at his ass, sliding up underneath his shirt, tweaking his nipples aggressively. Maybe it was because of his unresponsiveness, but the man moved his mouth to Clint’s neck sucking and biting and his hands to the clasp of Clint’s pants.  _

_ Clint was breathing harshly, the small bit of him still processing was panicking. No! No! No! No! This wasn’t happening! He didn’t realize that he was actually saying anything aloud but he must have because suddenly there was another voice.  _

_ “Hey! There you are! You left me back there! Let’s get back to the party, shall we?” Clint didn’t recognize the voice in his delirium, but his heart was soaring in relief. Make him stop, his inner voice was screaming. _

_ “We’re busy. Fuck off,” the stranger no longer sounded so sultry, but cold and dangerous. _

_ “See, I don’t think ‘we’ is an appropriate pronoun for this situation. It looks, and sounds, a bit non-consensual,” the voice was much closer now and nearly oozing sarcasm and confidence. Clint finally began to feel like he was going to be ok. “I’m all about consensual so let’s agree to part ways here. Short stack here, and I will go our way and you go yours, preferably to hell. How’s that sound?”  _

_ A small part of Clint was cheering! Listen to that sass! The other parts, probably the physical bits, were whimpering in pain as the stranger’s hands clenched at his hip and arm in growing anger. He fell to the ground in a heap as the stranger let go all at once and leapt for his sassy savior. He heard a lot of scuffling and cursing, the dull thump of fists hitting flesh. He hoped that Sassy would win over the Stranger, but he found his attention wandering.  _

_ Awareness came back slowly as he was being shook gently. Someone was talking, too; saying his name like they’d been saying it for some time. “Clint. Clint. Clint, buddy, are you with me? Come on man, I don’t know what you’re on and don’t know if you’re cool with hospitals.” Clint opened his eyes and a face swam into view, mostly a fancy goatee.  _

_ “Wha?” he choked out and the man smiled, goatee parting to reveal a straight row of white teeth. _

_ “Thank God. There we go! Tall, dark and pervy is gone. How you feeling? Need a hospital?” Clint was so relieved it was Sassy, he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes. “Hey now, none of that. You’re going to be fine! There’s no crying in baseball!” This last bit was said so desperately and happened to be Clint’s favorite quote from his favorite chick flick, so he couldn’t help but laugh. It came out a bit strangled but Sassy got the point.  _

_ “So I take it hospital is a no?” Clint nodded. “Cool. Since I don’t think you’re fully cognizant yet, we’ll go back to my place and get sorted out, ok? I can call the cops if you want. In case you don’t recognize me, I’m Tony, you’re chemistry TA. You’ll be safe with me, ok?” _

_ “Kay,” he mumbled reaching for Tony's extended hand. He knew he recognized that voice! Tony was a cool guy, a bit of an asshole in class, but maybe not when it mattered. _

“So, I woke up on Tony’s couch with my bare feet in his lap. He was snoring away with a melted ice pack on his head, looking like he got the ever-loving shit beat out of him. But he didn’t leave me there with that guy. He didn’t even know me, but he did that for me.” Clint shrugged, not daring to look at Steve’s face.

“I haven’t really gone out since then. Most Fridays, I hang out on that couch with Tony while he does some super genius stuff for his thesis. He’s been great for me…” 

Steve’s large hand landed gently on his shoulder, giving a brief squeeze. “I’m sorry, Clint. Wish I could have been there too. Could have helped both you and Tony.” Steve sighed and dropped his hands to his lap. “So what do you guys eat when you hang out? I’m thinking we grab some grub and go keep Tony company.” 

Clint finally met Steve’s eyes and found none of the pity or disgust that he’d been dreading to see. A shy smile spread across his face, “Thai is Tony’s favorite. You text Bucky the plan?” 

For months after the Encounter, as he called it, he couldn’t hear that stupid phrase that everyone says when bad shit goes down, ‘Everything happens for a reason,’ without wanting to vomit on someone’s shoes. Maybe he was recovering, but he thought more about his friendship with Tony and now, maybe with Steve too than he did about the anger, resentment, fear, and self-loathing that the Encounter had brought. Maybe with friends around him, he could quit surviving and start living again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure if 'unprotestingly' is actually a word??


	3. Come On and Take a Free Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes care of Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet... I haven't had time to write and that's driving me nuts!

Bucky was pleased to find that Tony was about a head shorter than him but less pleased about how little he seemed to weigh as Bucky practically carried Tony to the health center across campus. They walked (or awkwardly shuffled in a manner more reminisce of a drunken three-legged race) slowly, stopping a few times when Tony seemed like he was going to vomit again but they eventually made it to the clinic.

A wizened older nurse with the voice of a long-time smoker took Tony from him while Bucky texted his roommate, Natasha in the waiting room. After googling the address Bruce had given him, there was no way Tony would be getting there on his own two feet and Bucky wasn’t about to put someone with a concussion on the back of his motorcycle.

B: Nat, can I trade your car for my bike today? Emergency

N: ?

B: Giving a concussed guy a ride home

N: Is he cute?

B: Cut the crap, Nat. I know Clint already told you everything

N: I would never reveal my sources… I’ll be at the clinic in 15.

N: Details over vodka later- you buy

B: Deal.

N: P.S. Scratch her and you die

B: Noted

Luckily, Tony’s exam took long enough that Natasha had to leave for her next class before he emerged, much as she dawdled to catch a glimpse. Bucky didn’t think he could handle much more teasing about his crush, and Nat was ruthless when it came to other people’s weaknesses. He hated to admit it, but she terrified him; he’d survived two tours in Afghanistan and lost his arm but the stone-faced glare on that 5’2” redhead made him sweat.

Tony finally came out with a small white bandage on the back of his head, his face no longer quite so pinched with pain. The nurse gave Bucky instructions for Tony to take Tylenol every 4 hours for lingering pain and to let him sleep it off. Tony’s arms snaking around his waist startled him and he fought another blush and forced himself to focus on the nurse while Tony plastered himself to Bucky’s back mumbling incoherently. If there was any additional vomiting, he needed to take Tony to the ER.

Natasha’s black Mazda 3 turbo with the custom black widow red hourglass paint job was parked as close to the door as possible in a spot clearly marked reserved for someone else, but that was Natasha. She didn’t give a single fuck about crossing others but as soon as you got on her bad side... well, the less said, the better. Tony seemed to be lightly dozing against the window for most of the ride and would remain blissfully unaware of how infrequently Bucky drove a manual.

Tony meandered around the complex when they arrived, Bucky trailing behind him, not exactly sure which set of stairs to take. The building was old and the painted numbers long since faded. Each building had 3 sets of stairs and three floors with two apartments on each floor; Tony took the third set of stairs up to the second floor and waltzed through the right hand door without using a key.

“Uh… Tony?” Bucky questioned as they walked in, “Don’t you lock your door when you leave?”

Tony looked at him like _he_ was the insane one. “Of course not! How would everyone get in?” That was a perfect non sequitur for the concept of locking one’s doors, in Bucky’s opinion. He shook his head in befuddlement and closed the door behind him.

The apartment was small and dingy, likely through no fault of the tenants. It had the feel of a place that had been dingy for the past fifteen years. The main room was mostly all couch, orange and brown and wood monstrosities, circa 1975. One looked like it doubled as a bed for someone with pillow, blanket, and assortment of electronics and empty glasses around it. A few random sci-fi movie posters were on the walls, hung with no rhyme or reason. He could definitely see Bruce and Tony living here. He peeked into the kitchen and was surprised to find it clean and tidy instead of the mountains of moldy dishes he imagined. Only one coffee mug was sitting out on the table, probably Tony’s from this morning.

Exploring down the hallway, he found the bathroom across from Bruce’s room and could see Tony tottering around in his bedroom at the far end, having some difficulty putting the other leg into his sweatpants. Bucky didn’t bother suppressing his grin. He walked into the room in time to see Tony belly-flop onto his small mattress on the floor.

Tony’s room was….bare. His full-size mattress on the floor had a fitted sheet, a single pillow, and a well-worn, comfortable-looking quilt bunched up around the middle like a nest. Instead of curtains his window was blocked by large bits of cardboard. A small chest of drawers stood next to the closet and a matching desk by the door. It was, however, full of technical drawings, little mechanical odds and ends, and tools strewn haphazardly everywhere.

Bucky followed the clear path through the engineering disaster zone to the bed. Tony was already curled up in his quilt, half on top of it and half burrito’d within it. As he debated getting on the bed with Tony or retreating to the safety of the couch, an arm slinked into view and patted the bed. A plaintive whine, “Buuuuckyyyyy” accompanied it. The sound did strange but very enjoyable things to his stomach. Not wanting to push his luck, he sat on the end by Tony’s feet with his back against the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him. Tony’s head emerged from the depths of the blanket cave and gave him a calculating look, the adorable brow-furrow on full display. Grunting, he flipped, shoved his pillow between Bucky’s back and the wall, and laid his head down on Bucky’s thigh without upsetting his nest.

Bucky adjusted slightly, pulling the pillow up to his neck and praying to any listening deity to not get a boner. He could just register the little puffs of heat that was Tony’s breath. He hesitated a moment, but Tony had already been so receptive (not to mention a bit demanding) to his presence, so he went with it and finally got to feel that fantastic looking hair. His fingers gently roved through those thick, curly, brown locks, scraping softly against scalp with nail. Tony hummed appreciatively and moved closer, his nose touching Bucky’s navel. Bucky sighed, grateful that he still had one arm with which he could touch, feel a lover.


	4. No Reception in the Tunnel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstandings abound! Clint's trying too hard to be a good friend and Bucky has no idea what's going on with Tony's open-door policy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually proof-read this chapter, so hopefully it's up to snuff! And I finally got around to writing the last chapter... now to figure out the middle!

Bucky was startled out of his light doze by the sound of the apartment door opening. Despite Tony’s nonchalance regarding home safety, Bucky’s military background couldn’t let him be entirely comfortable with the concept. As such, he was instantly awake and on guard; his whole body nearly thrumming with tension.

“Hmmm? Whasss’ it?” Bucky didn’t realize quite how tense he was, but apparently it was enough to wake Tony. Bucky looked down at Tony, who hadn’t opened his eyes yet. Bucky removed his hand from where it was resting near the hollow of Tony’s throat. It must have slipped while he slept.

“I think someone’s –“ he broke off as Clint barged in, all but throwing himself on the mattress with them.

“Tony! You’re awake! How are you feeling?” Clint’s grin was nearly splitting his face in half and everything about his enthusiasm was genuine. Tony’s slight frame bounced as Clint landed next to him in a sprawl.

“Of course he’s awake. You sound like a flippin herd of elephants comin’ through,” Bucky grumbled, refusing to admit to himself that he was upset at no longer being alone with Tony. His heart clenched a bit in his chest as Tony opened his eyes and a slow, gentle smile appeared; a surprisingly delicate and delicious look that Bucky had never seen on him before.

Then said heart fell out of his body onto the floor and shattered into a billion pieces as Clint took Tony’s face in his hands, running his fingers through Tony’s hair watching for any signs of pain.

Tony leaned his face toward Clint’s touch. “M’fine, Clint. How are you? Are you staying the night?” he asked, trying to whisper and failing completely. Clint hesitated, eyes flicking up to Bucky, who looked away quickly.

Thankfully Steve was standing in the doorway, trying to make his bulk as unobtrusive as possible. “Hey Bucky, Tony. How are you feeling?” He nodded at Bucky and focused his bright, concerned blue eyes on Tony.

“I’m fine, Steve,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. It was instantly followed by a grimace. “But there’s a 70% chance I’m lying,” one side of his mouth pulled up as he smiled sheepishly at Steve. Steve smiled back.

“Glad to hear it Tony. Well, we’re here on a top secret mission. Code word: Thai Palace.” Tony’s eyes widened.

“Mango curry?” he asked seriously. Clint slapped him lightly on the shoulder.

“Of course! You act like I don’t know you at all! Let’s go!” Clint then proceeded to untangle Tony from his blanket nest like a pro before hauling him to his feet and practically dragging him from the room. Bucky remained on the mattress, forlornly feeling at the rapidly cooling warm spot on his thigh, until he noticed Steve’s Raised Eyebrow of Judicious Astuteness being aimed his way. He raised one shoulder in a defensive shrug that implied, ‘drop it, we’ll talk about it later’. It was a testament to their long-time friendship that they could communicate this way; it was almost more effective than Morse code for the two of them.

Steve navigated the engineering fire hazard of a floor space to offer Bucky a hand. Bucky took it with his own flesh and blood hand. “Did Bruce send you guys over to check up on us?” Bucky asked, as he was pulled to his feet in one fluid motion.

“No, Clint knew the address. Apparently, he’s over here all the time hanging out with Tony.” Bucky was dying to sit Steve down and interrogate him: Clint came over in what capacity? How often? How long had they known each other? He had thought that they’d all met Tony in lab. He didn’t even know if Tony was into dudes, but if he was, had Clint beaten Bucky to the punch?

No, Clint had said something about Tony being Bucky’s boyfriend earlier… had that been a jab about his crush? A joke he wasn’t supposed to take seriously? Suddenly, all the hope and happiness that had been bubbling in his stomach went sour. Tony’s silly smiles and nicknames probably meant nothing; Bruce had even warned him that Tony was a cuddly drunk.

A heavy weight landed on his shoulder as Steve gripped him until they were face to face. “Buck, you ok? You seem a little upset.” Bucky quickly schooled his expression into something more lighthearted and normal.

“No, it’s nothing. Just been a long day. You, uh, bring some food for me too?”

“Depends. I’m supposed to ask if anything happened to Nat’s car…” Steve trailed off with only a hint of mischief on his face.

Bucky mimed punching Steve in the face. “Shut up, punk. I can drive manual just fine.”

“Uh huh. Yeah. Of course,” Steve nodded, pushing Bucky out toward Tony’s kitchen.

Clint was seated on the larger couch, leaning on the pillow on the armrest, shoveling food at his face at a quite disgusting pace. A large array of to-go containers were spread out on the coffee table, along with a few beers.

“Where’s Tony?” Bucky asked, figuring he would be with Clint, his possible boyfriend.

“Ba-froom,” Clint said, tipping his head back to keep noodles from spilling out of his open mouth.

“As impressed as I am with how much you can fit in your mouth, Clint, I really don’t want to see it,” Tony said making an ‘icky’ face at Clint as he came out of the bathroom. He started peeking into the containers, grinning as Clint handed over the one he was currently eating from.

All the breath left his lungs in a rush at the innuendo behind Toy’s comment and he fled into the kitchen to pull himself together. Opening cupboards at random, he focused on breathing. Now was definitely not the time to have an emotional breakdown, not when the object of is affection was flirting with someone else mere feet away! Just get through dinner, then leave, and take Natasha up on that vodka session. Yes, he was feeling enough self-loathing and embarrassment to warrant vodka. Maybe he could drink enough to forget that he’d ever found Tony attractive.

He found a glass, filled it with water from the tap, drained it, and then refilled it. Grabbing the bottle of Tylenol he’d also come across, he went back to the living room where he could hear the start of the television. Steve was sprawled across the entirety of the loveseat (that would totally comfortably seat the both of them!) leaving Bucky to sit on the larger couch with Clint and Tony. Shooting Bucky a smirk, Steve casually saluted him with his beer. Bucky could have growled. For being so quick to catch onto Bucky’s crush, Steve was being awfully obtuse about Clint’s. He contented himself with his grouchiest glare, the one that many army buddies had said was ‘intimidating as fuck’. Unfortunately, he was still glaring when he held out the water and Tylenol to Tony, whose expression went from bright and grateful to a little hurt and dismayed.

Tony cleared his throat, looking at his lap, and hunching his shoulders slightly. “Thanks Bucky. I could have gotten it.” He put his mango curry between his knees and took Bucky’s offerings without making eye contact.

Guilt flooded Bucky’s chest, his self-hate threatening for a moment to engulf him completely. Where did he get off scaring Tony like that? Now Tony would know what an asshole he really was; how abrasive and brutish he could be.

He tried softening his face into a smile, but Tony wouldn’t look at him, overly involved in counting out painkillers. He couldn’t just leave it like this, couldn’t leave Tony uncomfortable and apprehensive in his own apartment. Sitting down, he tried again, saying softly, “No problem, Tony. Need anything else?”

Surprised chocolate eyes looked at him, and wow, that was a piercing, beautiful gaze, that Bucky was glad to see had no traces of the earlier anxiety. Tony shook his head, lips curling up slightly. He downed his water and leaned back into the couch. Bucky grabbed some grub, not really caring what he was eating, but wanting to focus on anything but his emotions and thoughts.

They were all quiet for a good while, entranced by a series of garbage sci-fi movies. The kind that were absolutely awful with regards to acting, costumes, and effects but with plots so far-fetched they had to be watched. Trying to guess if the villain of the current movie was an alien, zombie, or some kind of virus had Bucky so wrapped up that he actually jumped to his feet when he heard the shouting from the hallway.

“Anthony Edward Stark! If you aren’t dead or dying you’d better have a damn good excuse for why –" The yelling ceased as the door burst open revealing a tall, scowling black man in a hardware store red polo and khakis. He seemed to be confused by what he found in the apartment.

“Steve?” he said, in a much quieter, more reasonable tone. “What are you doing here?”

Steve stood, putting his beer down on the coffee table, and held out a hand to shake. “Hey Rhodes. We’re keeping an eye on Tony, he was involved in a bit of an accident on campus today. Was he supposed to meet you or something? I’m sorry, I think I still have his phone.” Steve was looking sheepish and scrubbing at the back of his neck with his hand.

Tony was now sitting upright, expression tired and pinched with pain. Clint was behind him, possibly holding him up, one arm around Tony’s waist and his chin resting atop his shoulder; a tired, unshaven, two-headed couch monster.

“Accident? What happened?” Rhodes was instantly pushing past Bucky to sit next to Tony and pull him into a one-armed hug.

“Well, Thor crashed into him on his bike, and Thor definitely won that round,” Steve explained. “Campus health center said he had a concussion.”

Rhodes was giving Tony some kind of stink eye and Tony just grinned right back. “You idiot,” he said fondly, shaking his head. “You know I had to cover your shift at the hardware store, right?” Tony cringed and shrank back into Clint at that.

“Oops? In all honesty, it was really not my fault this time, Rhodey! Concussion! And Steve stole my phone,” he exclaimed pointing a finger at Steve, who only responded with his infamous Raised Eyebrow.

“Oh, I forgive you Tony. You’ve already volunteered to take my Saturday morning shift, after all. Pepper, on the other hand….” Tony groaned and turned to hide his face against Clint’s arm.

Rhodey had surreptitiously been texting on his phone for the entire exchange. “She was worried so you’re buying her coffee tomorrow morning at 9. I’ll drive you. There’s no getting out of it. Now, take some more Tylenol and go to bed. Clint, you too. I’m taking the couch tonight, it’s too late to go back to my place.”

Clint got to his feet, gathered Tony up piggyback style and headed for Tony’s bedroom. “Night weirdos!” he called. Tony was looking at Bucky over his shoulder, his expression unreadable. Before he could stop himself, Bucky had raised his hand in a stupid, awkward wave, then they were gone.

Steve was giving Rhodey a few more details about the accident and pointing out where he had left Tony’s school stuff, so Bucky pulled out his phone.

B: Is it too late for vodka?

N: It’s never too late for vodka.

B: Meet me at Fury’s in 15 minutes?

N: Things with Cutie went that well? :)

B: Less talking, more drinking

N: C u soon

“Steve, do you need a ride? I’m heading out,” he asked gruffly. Steve nodded, shook Rhodes’ hand one last time and they left together. “So, I’m meeting Natasha at Fury’s. You coming or want me to drop you off at home?”

Steve gave him a confused look. “You’re going to the bar on a Monday? Are you okay? Did Tony say something to you?” Leave it to Steve to practically figure it out.

“He didn’t have to _say_ anything, Steve! I’m not an idiot. You know what, you’re un-invited. I’ll drop you off at your apartment.” He stormed down the stairs, knowing that Steve would catch up before he got to the car.

He didn’t care if he was hungover for the rest of the week, he was going to forget the feeling of his fingers on Tony’s warm skin.


	5. Drivethru Now Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter crappiness. I'm not sure where I was going with this but things should pick up in the next chapter!

Steve, unfortunately, was awake when the phone rang at seven the next morning and he was not a happy camper about it. Sure, he usually only needed a few hours and was up at the crack of dawn to go running but he tended to get a bit grumpy picking up his drunk friends at 0300 and staying up the rest of the night to make sure they didn’t stop breathing or vomit while facing up.

Bucky and Nat had finally stopped singing terrible Russian bar songs at the top of their lungs around 0500 and crashed. Nat was on her side on the couch looking no worse for wear, but Bucky was face down on the floor fully dressed with the exception of his pants, which Steve found entertaining as he was still wearing shoes. Bucky’s cell was ringing, still in his pants across the back of the couch.

Steve dug the phone out and answered, seeing that it was Clint calling. “Hey Clint. What’s up?”

“Uh.. Steve?” It was definitely not Clint on the line.

“Rhodes?”

“Yeah, Rhodes here. I was calling Bucky from Clint’s phone to ask something about Tony’s hospital visit yesterday. Is he around?” He sounded serious and a little worried.

“He’s indisposed, but I’m more than willing to wake him up for this,” Steve said allowing a tinge of menace to color his tone. “Is Tony ok?”

“He’s fine, more or less. I’m probably overreacting, but he doesn’t remember hardly anything about yesterday after the accident. He doesn’t even remember how it happened. Just wanted to see if that was normal. I’d ask Bruce but he got in late last night and I’m not about to wake that beast.”

Steve hummed in response and started kicking Bucky repeatedly on the sole of his foot. “Hold on one second, Rhodes. Bucky. Bucky! BUCKY!” He was practically shouting when Bucky jerked awake with a snort. “Hey, jerkface. Rhodes has a question about Tony. Are you sober enough to talk?”

“Tony? Is he ok? He’s such a cute little guy… Is he ok?” Bucky mumbled, rolling onto his back and staring blearily up at Steve.

“Wow. Did I just hear what I think I just heard?” Rhodes called, voice tinny from the phone speaker.

Steve scoffed. “You mean you didn’t know? I thought by now everyone but Tony knew that Buck has a huge crush on him. It’s pretty sickening actually, you should hear him when he’s even less sober.”

Rhodes was all out laughing. “Oh man, this is so perfect. I can’t believe it. Anyway, can you ask him about the amnesia thing?”

He managed to garner from Bucky’s still somewhat drunken rambling that peri-event amnesia was an expected side effect of a concussion and there was nothing to worry about.

“Yeah, Rhodes, it’s fine. Do you think Tony will be in class tomorrow?” There was an idea forming in the back of his head, but he would need some backup.

“That’s great news, Steve,” Rhodes sounded relieved. “Yeah, he’s up and moving around on his own now, so he’ll probably be fine tomorrow.”

“And he works at the hardware store with you?”

“After me. Four to close and I pick him up. Ok, Steve, I’ve got to run or Pepper’s going to kill Tony _and_ myself.”

“Sure, sure. But, you know, I feel awful about the accident. Can I pick Tony up after his shift tomorrow? Just want to make sure he’s ok.” Steve tried to keep the smile out of his voice. If this worked, Bucky was either going to thank him or punch him. Or thankfully punch him? He was a complicated, broody guy.

“No problem! I’ll let him know. Later, Steve.” Rhodes hung up, already yelling at someone in the background.

Steve immediately got his own phone and dialed up Clint. “Clint, we need to do some recon. You free for lunch?”

*****

“Rhodey quit hovering! I’m moving as fast as I can! My head still hurts and I’m really hungry.” Tony yelled from the bathroom. Geez, could he catch a break? It was, unsurprisingly, fairly difficult to shampoo without aggravating a head injury. He needed some painkillers stat, but Mama Rhodey wouldn’t let him have anything without food first. Mama Rhodey, hey that sounded like a great Italian restaurant. Had Rhodey ever cooked Italian food? He should ask. Rhodey rotini. Rhodey ravioli.

Wow, his stomach totally just hijacked his brain, what was he even doing? It can’t have been that important. Teeth brushed? Check. Deodorant? Check. Shrugging at his reflection, he left the bathroom.

Clint had already left the apartment by the time Tony was in a state to be seen by the outside world, so it was just him and Rhodey. Meaning, there was no buffer between Tony’s pained, nonsensical fugue state and Rhodey’s worry-wart tendencies. He’d already panicked and made a bunch of phone calls when Tony couldn’t recall why Clint was zonked out on his mattress with him or much about the previously afternoon.

It reminded Tony of an alcohol-fueled blackout: he remembered that he had talked to certain people but couldn’t say what about. He’d been tempted to punch Clint in his smug mouth for letting his first real conversation with Bucky freaking Barnes be under the influence of a brain injury.

“What’s a little drain bramage between friends?” He’d mocked on his way out the door. Tony was definitely going to get him for that. Completely not appropriately sympathetic to Tony’s plight. Tomorrow in lab there would be revenge and it would be cold.

The coffee shop near campus was strangely empty and quiet when they arrived, most patrons rocking some degree of bedhead, sweatpants, and Ugg boots. Pepper was unmistakable and stunning in comparison. Not only because of her outfit (white silk blouse with blazer, jeans, and sky-high heels) but because of her brilliant smile and sunny attitude; it just put the tawdry caffeine-deprived masses to shame.

“Tony! Oh my gosh! How are you feeling? We were so worried about you yesterday when James texted that you didn’t show up at work and you weren’t answering your phone!” She rushed him, talking a mile a minute, to hug him tightly and kiss his cheek.

“Sorry Pep, it really was an accident. I’m fine now, or I will be if Rhodey ever lets me have some aspirin or something,” He maneuvered himself out of Pepper’s arms to give Rhodey the Stark patented stink-eye.

Rhodey raised his hands in defense, “Hey man, it’s not a good idea to take that stuff on an empty stomach. You’re gonna get stress ulcers anyway, so let’s not add to it ok?” Tony threw on his ‘I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about’ face and sat down at a tucked away table, tugging on Pepper’s hand for her to follow. “Fine, I guess I’ll get the coffee,” Rhodey grumbled as they left him standing near the entrance.

“Ugh, Pepper I’m so screwed! This concussion has messed everything up!” He crossed his arms on the table and dropped his forehead to meet them.

“Tony, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think it is,” Pepper replied, bringing one of her hands up to rub small circles between his shoulder blades, while making the girly, concerned noises she was known for. “Is this about Bucky? James told me that he was at your apartment yesterday and that he gave you a ride home.”

“That’s exactly it, Pepper! I finally got to talk to Bucky with his stupid, gorgeous hair and his sexy smolder thing and I don’t remember any of it!” He turned his head to the side to make sure that she understood the gravity of the situation. “What if I made a complete idiot of myself and he never wants to talk to me again?” His voice was way over the whiny borderline, but he was genuinely anxious about seeing Bucky the following day.

Rhodey plopped down in the seat across from Pepper and divvied up the drinks and assorted baked goods. “Tony, you were drunk out of your mind when I met you and I still liked you. Maybe it was like that and you slurred about how awesome calculus is for hours before barfing on his shoes and passing out. By the way, yours is decaf. You need to sleep and recover.”

Tony groaned unhappily but took the coffee anyway. It still smelled like a wakeup call. “That’s not funny. I hope I didn’t throw up on him. He’s too handsome to be thrown up on.”

Rhodey grinned broadly after swallowing a bite of chocolate croissant. “Oh, you did, man, you did. Clint told me. You owe him a new handkerchief.”

Tony was mortified. He threw up on his crush! Who does that?! He was never going to be able to talk to Bucky again and he was definitely going to punch Clint in the face.

“Tony, don’t freak out about this, it’s not a big deal. If he’s going to be all judgmental about what you said or did right after a head injury, then he’s not worth your attention. But he did hang out with you for a good while yesterday, regardless, so I think you have a good chance. Besides, it does you no good to stress about it until you see him tomorrow. Just act normal and go from there.” Pepper was ever the voice of reason. He probably could have rationalized that out for himself, but it sounded better coming from her.

He mumbled his assent and pointedly munched on a giant cranberry orange muffin, looking pitiful until Rhodey handed over the Tylenol from his backpack. Then he let his thoughts wander, basking in the warmth of friendship, and letting the conversation drift around him until Rhodey stood, gathering the trash from the table.

 “Alright, Tony. I’m taking you home. You are going to nap, Bruce’s going to bring you lunch later, and I expect to see you at the shop _on time_ tomorrow feeling at least 80% functional.”

Even after food, coffee, and the application of ibuprofen his head was a constant dull ache and his thoughts equally dull. “I can only guarantee 60% functional and 30% normal.” He did not feel like himself; he was tired and sleep actually sounded good. That never happened to Tony. Something always sounded better than sleep whether it be food, booze, or engineering, but right now sleep sounded amazing.

Tony accepted one last reassuring hug from Pepper, saying he’d text her later and allowed himself to be steered to Rhodey’s gray pickup. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to snag such amazing friends when he was usually such a poor one in return, but each gentle hug from Pep, all the casual shoulder squeezes from Rhodey made him grateful for whatever made them stick around.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to class, to see if the misunderstandings sort themselves out or not!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went crazy on me! I like it though :) Sorry there's not much Bruce or Natasha I can only handle so many characters.

As much as Tony hated to, he ended up following Rhodey’s instructions to the ‘t’. He slept for almost all of Tuesday, only waking up to eat lunch with Bruce. He had to admit, though, that he felt a lot better Wednesday morning. He didn’t sleep a lot in general, there was just too much to do, what with the hardware store, his thesis project, teaching, and going to regular classes. There were too many hours in the night to be wasted with sleep. It’s why a whopping 10-14% of his budget was allotted for caffeine.  

He walked to campus and spent the morning in the engineering lab working on his thesis; he had most of the blueprints done and he was starting to play with the mechanics and put it together. He loved getting his hands on metal and wire and creating something with _purpose._ In his opinion there was no better high. Luckily, Clint poked his head in around noon to drag him out for food and, oh yeah, class.

“So you and Bucky were getting pretty cozy the other day,” Clint teased as they walked to the lab.

“Ugh, don’t remind me, please,” Tony whined, taking a sip of his coffee. “I still don’t remember a thing I said to him or did. It’s a huge blank. What if I was completely stupid or rude, you know not everyone gets my sense of humor.”

“What is this I’m hearing? Is the great Tony Stark admitting that he’s not the king of suave?” Clint bounced around so that he was walking backwards and waggling his eyebrows, grinning like mad.

Giving in to childish impulse, which was an almost constant inclination when around the other man, he stuck his tongue out in response. Clint threw back his head and laughed.

“Dude, he was all over you the other day, I think he would have fought me if I had tried to take you to the doctor. He likes you! Just ask him out.”

“Shush, we’re almost there. I don’t want him to hear, he and Steve are usually early.”

“Ooh, secret crush! Secret crush!” Clint started hooting and poking at Tony’s ribs, which then turned into a small tickle fight in the hall. Tony finally pushed Clint off of him as they entered the lab, and was able to wipe away a few tears of laughter at the corners of his eyes.

Surveying the room, he noticed that Steve and Bucky were indeed already seated. His smile slipped and his good mood dissipated at the glare that Bucky was directing at him. He knew it, he’d done something incredibly stupid the other day to offend the guy. Damn his big mouth!

He went ahead and got set up, wrote the lab instructions on the whiteboard, and did the required song and dance before retreating to his desk. He hid behind his laptop for about an hour before he needed to start checking to make there were not any imminent explosions being set up. It wouldn’t do to be fired from his TA position through negligence.

Starting far away from Bucky, he took his time answering questions and reviewing methods or just shooting the shit. Still, sooner than he would have liked, he was at Steve and Bucky’s station.

“How’s it going, guys? Any questions?” he asked, proud of how not nervous he sounded. Steve smiled and started to answer but Bucky beat him to it.

“We’re fine. If we had questions we’d ask.” It was terse and emotionless and said without looking away from the fume hood.

Steve instantly looked concerned, glaring at the side of Bucky’s head. “Yeah, we’re good, Tony. Thanks for asking. How’s your head?”

“It’s better,” he replied, starting to pull out a stool to sit like he usually did. He froze, almost seated at Bucky’s next words.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to finish this experiment without interruptions so we can get out of here faster.”

“Oh, ok. Listen, Bucky, I want to apologize if I said or did anything the other day to offend you, I don’t really remember much, but, um…” he trailed off uncertainly, meeting Steve’s equally confused stare from over Bucky’s head.

“Stark, I’m paying to be here, so if you could go and do whatever it is you do elsewhere, that would be great.”

It felt like he’d been punched in the stomach the way the air left his lungs and his head seemed to spin. He’d made a bigger mess of this than he thought possible. Of course he’d said something to make Bucky hate him. He thought they were at least friends before Monday’s incident but obviously that had changed drastically.

Steve looked almost as startled as Tony felt and he could practically feel the concern from Clint a few benches over. He needed to leave, now, since the floor wouldn’t just open up and swallow him whole.

“Right,” he choked out. “I’ll just.. um..my desk.” He gestured vaguely in the direction of his desk, ducked his head, and tried not to run to safety. Once there, he ignored the texts coming in from Clint and buried himself in a textbook. What a crappy day.

 

***

 

Steve had practically manhandled him out of lab that day. He’d barely time to gather up his things and shove them in his bag before he was hauled to his feet by the back of his jacket and propelled out the door. Steve didn’t say a word as they maneuvered through the crowded halls and stairwells, but neither did he let up the iron grip on his elbow.

When they were free of the complex and any prying ears, Steve let go and whirled on him. His face was stony and his normally compassionate baby blues were brimming with anger. He’d never seen Steve this angry with him before, and they’d known each other most of their lives.

“Bucky! What the hell is the matter with you?!” He didn’t shout, but it was a near thing. It was bad enough that he’d cursed, he didn’t need to yell for Bucky to instantly feel like crap. He knew what Steve was upset about but he didn’t want to discuss it.

“Steve, I –“ he started, but Steve just steamrolled over him.

“No. I don’t want to hear it, Buck. Did you see Tony’s face after what you said? You absolutely crushed the guy, and here I thought you liked him!” Steve threw his arms up in exasperation. “You’re acting like a bully- no, you’re acting like an ass. So what exactly is your problem?”

As much as it didn’t seem like it, it actually was rather difficult for him to act like a dick; he felt horrible about what he’d said to Tony, but he had to say something! He couldn’t keep pining over the guy when he was already in a great relationship and he couldn’t just be Tony’s friend. He’d go insane. So, no, he really didn’t appreciate Steve jumping down his throat.

“Shut up, Steve and pull your head out of your ass. Stop throwing me at the guy cuz he’s not interested! He’s seeing someone else.” He was probably yelling but he didn’t care. It was perfectly ok to be upset at a time like this. Turning on his heel, he stalked away from Steve.

“Wait, wait, Bucky,” Steve put a hand on his shoulder in a placating way. “I’m sorry I just attacked you like that, but I don’t understand why you’re so upset with Tony. You have been since walking him home on Monday. Please talk to me, cuz this isn’t you.” The apology was accompanied by some soothing shoulder squeezes and Bucky found himself caving. It was impossible to stay mad at Steve.

“Monday’s when I figured out that Tony’s dating Clint. How can you not see it, Steve? They’re so touchy and always hanging out together.” He dropped his head, unable to hide how much it tore him up inside to know that Tony couldn’t be his.

Steve pulled him in for a hug and Bucky clung to him gratefully. “Oh, Buck. I’m sorry that you’re upset, but Clint and Tony are not dating.” Bucky pushed away.

“What?” Steve was smiling, obviously trying not to laugh out loud.

“They’re just really good friends, and naturally very touchy people. Ok, I can see you don’t believe me, but don’t you think Natasha would have told you if Clint was dating somebody? He’s been in a funk since last March. If he was dating again, she would have told everyone.”

“Oh, right.” It hadn’t even occurred to him to ask Natasha. She knew everything about everyone and she had a particular soft spot for Clint. They’d met on a spring break trip to Budapest but refused to tell anyone any details. There weren’t even any Facebook photos, it was weird.

“Look, it’s not my business, but I’ll tell you enough to put this in perspective.” Bucky nodded his agreement. “We all notice that Clint’s been super anxious and anti-social for a while, but he won’t talk about it. Nat doesn’t even know what happened, which is amazing for those two. Well, I know for a fact that up until this week, the only person he told was Tony and the only person he feels comfortable with is Tony.”

Bucky took a few moments to wrap his head around this revelation. So he still had a chance?

“Clint’s working through his issues and Tony’s helping him out, so don’t hold it against them, ok? What they’re going through is hard enough. I also think that you should man up and just ask him out already! Jeez, any more drama and we’ll have to get a camera crew.”

“Are you sure I didn’t just fuck it up in there?” Bucky asked, face twisted into a regretful grimace.

“I think Tony would definitely give you another chance, if the way he’s been ogling you all semester is any indication. But you probably gained the ire of his new best friend.” Steve draped an arm over Bucky’s shoulders and steered them toward the student center.

Bucky snorted. “Wait, what do you mean he ogles me? Why didn’t you say anything before?”

 ***

Tony waited twenty minutes after his shift for his ride to show. It was fifteen minutes more than he would usually be willing to wait, but Rhodey had said that Steve insisted upon picking him up. He’d thought it was a bit weird; sure, Steve was a good guy and plenty nice but they’d only really interacted in class and during office hours. Actually, Steve was pretty much the only person who ever showed up to his office hours for help. Tony had been a bit reluctant to agree, but he probably owed Rhodey a night off since he’d had to cover his shift on Monday. Maybe this was a whole revenge setup and nobody was going to show up. Yep, it looked like his crappy Monday was turning into an entire crappy week.

It wasn’t a big deal to just walk back to his apartment. He wasn’t so awful of a friend to make Rhodey pick him up at ten pm 5 nights a week, he’d definitely walked before, but today was disappointing because it was raining. Not a gentle sprinkle, either; it was an ark-worthy downpour and Tony didn’t even have a jacket. At least his laptop wouldn’t get wet, since he’d asked Clint to take it back to the apartment after class. He’d never been more grateful to have been separated from his tech.

Sighing heavily, Tony stepped outside, locked the door and resigned himself to a very long, wet walk home. His jeans and polo were soaked before he’d made it to the end of the block. He hunched his shoulders unhappily and crossed his arms to keep as warm as he could. Why didn’t he have a jacket? Or an umbrella? Autumn plus night plus rain equaled really freaking cold! He was a genius! He should know this kind of stuff!

The only upside was that there was no traffic out to splash him, not that it would have made a difference. He was practically in the liquid state of matter himself. Any moment now, he would turn into a puddle a la wicked witch of the west and get lost down the gutters with only his winged monkeys to mourn him. In this scenario he guessed his students were his monkeys? Ok, for real life applications, how many flying floating monkeys would it take to make him a portable dry patch in this weather?

He shook his head slightly, blaming his increasingly random thoughts on the onset of hypothermia. There was no more time for his insane thoughts as a motorcycle passed him, then pulled over on his side of the street. Who the hell was crazy enough to be out on a motorcycle in this weather?! It was too dark to see any details of the bike, but the rider dismounted and Tony could see that he was tall, with jeans as soaked through as his own and a leather jacket.

Ooh, Tony was jealous of that jacket. It was probably so warm and dry inside! Practically drooling over the thought of being dry, it took him a moment to realize that the biker had removed his helmet and was approaching Tony.

“Hey Tony.” Another long moment passed before Tony was able to overcome his shock and formulate an appropriate response.

“Barnes,” he replied coldly. Coldly, because obviously everything about him was freezing right now! Surprisingly, Barnes seemed to flinch at the name. Well, the jerk deserved it, turnabout and fair play and all that.

He seemed nervous, moving his helmet in circles in his hands and not meeting Tony’s eyes. “Look, Tony, I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me after what an ass I was earlier, but-“ he broke off and looked up at Tony. “Would you please just let me give you a ride home? You shouldn’t be out walking in this crap, you’ll get sick.”

Tony was seemingly struck dumb. Had he been transported into an alternate dimension where life really was a cheesy rom-com complete with rain-filled declarations of love? This couldn’t seriously be the same Bucky Barnes who had been vehemently denying his existence that very morning. “Uhhh..” was all he managed in reply.

Bucky seemed to get back a little of his normal swagger as he grabbed Tony’s wrist and tugged him over to the bike. “Here,” he said holding out the helmet and staring pointedly at Tony until he reached out to take it. Bucky pulled out a pair of green lensed goggles and adjusted them around his ponytail while sitting on the bike. The roar of the engine startled Tony out of is reverie. A ride would be colder but shorter, so he pulled the helmet on and swung a leg over. It was more difficult than it sounded, as his jeans were soaked and stuck to him like a second skin with zero give. Very suave.

As cold as he had been before, it did not compare with how much worse it was on the back of a motorcycle. Bucky wasn’t going that fast, probably for safety and visibility reasons, but it didn’t stop the rain from painfully striking his bare arms like tiny rocket powered rocks. His ears, nose, and fingers were almost instantly numb, but he was pleased to find that Bucky’s body was radiating the barest hint of heat and Tony was helpless to seek it out. He pressed his hands to Bucky’s abdomen tightly and rested his face between leather-clad shoulder blades, thankful for Bucky’s skill at breaking the wind.

He really didn’t understand what had caused Bucky’s change of heart in the few hours since class, but he was too much in love with the guy to care. Maybe it was his self-destructive streak, but he was willing to just cherish the memory of riding on the back of Bucky’s motorcycle this one time, with the smell of rain and sweat and leather in his nose and his arms around that muscular body.

By the time they stopped outside of his apartment, he was shivering uncontrollably and the rain hadn’t let up at all. He let go of Bucky a little reluctantly and dismounted as gracefully as he had gotten on. “Well, you might as well come up and dry off. I don’t think this is going to let up soon and it’s probably not safe to be biking.” He stood, uncomfortable, cold and wet and completely unsure where that offer had come from. “I mean, not that you’re not a good driver- er, rider but I mean I have towels and there’s always people staying over, it’s why I leave the door unlocked all the time.” He shut his mouth with a nearly audible snap and turned away sharply, hurrying up the path, completely embarrassed over his little word vomit incident. The ride had to be a fluke, Bucky was still probably as uninterested in Tony as he’d been earlier today. Unwilling to face rejection head on, he was running. Dying of self-hatred could wait ten seconds until he was in the apartment.

He stopped at the door to take a breath and shake his blush; which didn’t happen at all as Bucky was suddenly on the landing beside him. He squeaked in surprise and jumped, face instantly back to burning. To Tony’s relief, Bucky didn’t seem to notice. He was a little preoccupied and still seemed nervous but he started to speak, “Tony, I wanted to  - “ but Tony cut him off by putting a finger to his lips in the universal, ‘shush’ gesture while shaking his head slightly. He didn’t want to have any conversations in the hallway and definitely not before he’d dried off and regained his composure.

He opened the door slowly and slipped inside, keeping as little light from shining in as possible. Bucky looked a little put-out but followed his lead. It was nearly pitch black inside the apartment the only light coming from the kitchen, the stove light was his guess. There was also a lit computer screen on the couch, showing the repeating menu of some DVD and illuminating Clint’s sleeping face. He hadn’t realized Clint was going to be staying over that night. He’d have to deal with this first; Clint didn’t like being asleep when he didn’t know who was in the apartment and he really didn’t seem to like sleeping alone.

Whenever Tony was home, Clint slept near or with him either on the couch or on his mattress. Tony didn’t mind, Clint was a good friend and he’d experienced a traumatic thing. Who was he to judge people’s coping mechanisms?

Tony shut the door after Bucky entered and toed off his shoes before walking over to Clint. One of his hands was hanging off of the edge of the couch, grazing the carpet. Tony knelt and grabbed it softly, rubbing gentle circles into the palm with his thumb until Clint snuffled and opened his eyes.

“Hey,” Tony whispered. “Just wanted to let you know that Bucky and I are here.” Clint made a grumbly noise of protestation and tried to sit up, glaring at Bucky over Tony’s shoulder. “No, we’re good. We’re fine. You stay here.” Tony pushed on Clint’s chest until he lay back down. His eyes closed and he was almost instantly asleep again. Tony grabbed the laptop, closed it, and set it on the coffee table before grabbing one his knit blankets (a treasured gift from Rhodey’s mom) and pulling it up to cover Clint’s bare arms. 

Tony stood and gestured for Bucky to follow him. He went into the bathroom and grabbed two towels without turning on the lights and continued into his bedroom. He grimaced internally; it looked like Bruce was home so if Bucky was going to spend the night they’d have to bunk up. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to sleep with Bucky, he’d been dreaming and drooling over the guy for months, but the day’s emotional whiplash was messing with his head. His poor, poor head. He was definitely going to blame its recent fight with the pavement on this confusion.

Tossing one at Bucky, he rummaged through his dresser for a pair of sweatpants that would fit the taller man. He pulled something out and held it against himself for comparison. Yep, if he grew a foot they would fit. Maybe they were Rhodey’s? He also grabbed an Air Force t-shirt that he knew for sure was Rhodey’s, he’d stolen it a few years ago while Rhodey was deployed.

“Here,” he said, handing them over. “You might as well put on something dry and stay until the rain lets up. Sorry about the air force thing.” He smiled a little and shrugged one shoulder. “Um, Steve told me you guys were in the army together and that’s when you lost your arm.” Wow, he couldn’t read the look on Bucky’s face at all. Why did he have to bring up missing limbs! Backtrack! “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up. The shirt’s Rhodey’s, er, was, he was air force and now he’s in college…” he trailed off and set the clothes on the corner of the desk nearest Bucky as he hadn’t moved to take them. Way to go big mouth. As much as he’d like to blame this on the head injury, he knew that he’d always been so eloquent and graceful around people he had massive debilitating crushes on.

Face burning with embarrassment, Tony turned his back and started furiously drying his hair. He stripped, drying out his damp, cool skin as he went. Oh it felt so amazing to be dry! He quickly pulled on his own sweats and thickest sweatshirt. Definitely not looking as Bucky slowly peeled himself out of his wet gear, he turned on his tiny space heater and shut the door to keep the warm in. He was about to drop to the mattress when Bucky finally spoke again.

“Tony.” His voice was gruff and thick, but his eyes were earnest as they kept Tony pinned where he stood. “I want to apologize. I was a complete ass earlier but it was all me! You didn’t do anything to offend me, in fact you’ve always done the opposite.” He spoke quietly, as if Tony would spook and run off. “I had this idea in my head, but Steve set me straight on a few things, so I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Tony.”      

Tony’s was pretty sure his eyes were wide enough to pop right out of his head. “It’s ok, Bucky. People have said worse things to me before and they’ve usually meant it. I’m sure whatever Steve said to convince you to apologize -” He broke off mid-sentence because Bucky’s expression had gone angry, not quite the super scary ‘fear for your life’ look from Monday night, but enough of an about-face for his teeth to snap together.

“Look, I apologized because I wanted to. Steve had nothing to do with that.” Bucky took a step closer to Tony so that he had to tilt his chin up to maintain eye contact. “Steve told me that you and Clint aren’t dating.” Bucky spoke the last bit quickly and glared at Tony, almost daring him to laugh.

Laughing was the furthest thing from Tony’s mind, as his mouth fell open in shock. He and Clint dating? He and _Clint_? _Dating?_ “Oh,” he breathed, mind still reeling from that totally weird revelation. “And Steve told you we weren’t? Because we aren’t. We’re just friends. Platonic friends, like you and Steve, but less tall and attractive. Or, wait. Did I say attractive? Um, that’s… I meant…” Tony had never blushed so much in his entire life as he had in this one evening!

But Bucky was smiling. “I don’t think you do too poorly on the attractiveness scale. In fact, I have to get most of my notes from Steve because you’re so attractive.” Tony’s thought process came to an abrupt halt. Complete system shutdown. Fatal error. “I’ve been wanting to ask for a while, now, but would you want to grab dinner with me sometime?”

“Yes! Definitely, yes! Really? You’re serious? Yes?” Tony couldn’t stop talking as his chest was filled with an absurd rush of hope and excitement and wonder he felt he would burst.

“Yes, I’m serious, you frustrating, incredible man. I would love to take you to dinner.” Before Tony could react, Bucky was grabbing his shoulders in both hands and pulling Tony to him to press their lips together. It was long, and soft and gentle and Tony melted into the warmth of it, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. Tony tugged them down to the mattress, and broke away from Bucky’s mouth to rest his head on a muscular shoulder. Bucky grabbed the quilt and covered them, wrapping his arms around Tony.

“Bucky?” he asked tentatively, fingers tapping out a meaningless rhythm on Bucky’s chest.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for the ride, I think mine bailed on purpose.”

“Steve! What a freaking punk! He totally set this up! I’m never on that side of town but he invited me to dinner at some pizza joint. I don’t know if I should hug him or punch him. Jerk.” Tony started laughing, and Bucky just hugged him closer to kiss his forehead. “Maybe both.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky tries to make up with Tony, but Clint's making things difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have christened my notebook with a full glass of pinot so hopefully this chapter is up to snuff ;)
> 
> FYI - Clint's having some difficulty with his trauma

It was probably close to three in the morning when Bucky woke. It was all of a sudden, his instincts on edge, hyperaware of everything around him. He knew instantly that Tony’s back was pressed against his right side, head heavy on Bucky’s bicep but still sleeping soundly based on the slow, steady feel of his  exhales. It was forebodingly dark and he could still hear the rain pelting down outside; a small part of his mind nagged that he would have to re-treat the leather of his bike seat soon. Finally, he identified the out of place sound that had woken him up: someone was at the door.

Easing himself out from under Tony without waking him was easy; he was deceptively sneaky for someone his size. He crept to the door and opened it quickly with his flesh arm, readying his prosthetic to clock the intruder on the side of the head.

“Clint?” he whispered. Gone was the confident, happy go lucky jerk with the quick wit and filthy mouth. The man standing before the door was shivering, arms wrapped around himself, with tear tracks marring his cheeks. He reached out to comfort him without thinking, only for Clint to jerk away and hit the wall with his back before sliding to the ground, hands covering his face. “Shit,” Bucky said mostly to himself. Idiot! You don’t just try and grab someone having some sort of anxiety attack. This must be what Steve had mentioned.

He quickly went to wake up the one person he knew Clint trusted. “Tony. Tony, wake up. Clint needs you right now.”

Tony was awake in a flash, which was surprising; every time he fell asleep in class it took at least a few minutes for Steve to rouse the sleeping beauty. Tony looked up at Bucky, “Clint? Where is he?”

“The hall,” Bucky gestured behind him, where Clint was still huddled against the wall.

“Shit,” Tony cursed, scrambling off of his mattress and dashing over to Clint. He didn’t touch him at all, but crouched on his heels opposite him in the tiny hallway. “Clint, hey, come back to me buddy. It’s ok, it’s Tony, and you’re with me. No one can hurt you here, you’re safe with me.” Bucky wanted to help but just felt like he was in the way. Clint had only been looking for Tony and he’d gone and made it so much worse by grabbing him. So he just stood awkwardly in Tony’s room and watched as Tony talked Clint down until his hands fell away from his face.

“T-tony?” he asked hoarsely.

“Hey Clint. Can you tell me where you are?” Tony asked. He held a hand out so that Clint could see it and slowly, with intent, grabbed one of Clint’s hands and used his thumb to rub circles into the palm.

“Tony, oh God, Tony,” Clint suddenly zoned back into the present. He threw himself at Tony, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and holding on firmly. “He was here with me, with his hands and I couldn’t stop him and, and-.” His breath was harsh and loud in the early morning quiet but his words were slowly silenced by Tony’s comforting murmuring, as he rubbed Clint’s back.

After a few more minutes of nothing but Tony’s quiet mumbling, Clint was able to pull his face away from where it had been tucked into Tony’s neck. Tony brought both of his hands up to frame Clint’s face and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. “Ok?” he asked. Clint nodded and took a huge shaky breath. Tony stood, forcing Clint to follow as he wouldn’t let go of his consoler. They shuffled into the bedroom, Tony mouthing, _‘I’m sorry’_ at Bucky as the passed him. Tony laid down and allowed Clint to arrange himself around him so that he had as much physical contact as he needed before pulling up the blanket over them both.

Bucky shook his head at the strange repetition of himself and Tony earlier in the evening. He felt a sudden intense rash of shame. He had been such a bonehead, thinking that Tony was cheating on Clint by flirting with him. Tony was just being a selfless, generous friend to someone who obviously needed that friendship. There was nothing for Tony to be sorry for at all, _ever_.

He knelt beside the mattress, pressed his lips against Tony’s ear and whispered, “You’re absolutely amazing. I hope you know that.” The scent of Tony’s coconut shampoo flooded his nostrils and he felt the slight heat of Tony’s cheeks from the proximity. “I’ll be on the couch. See you for breakfast.” He left a lingering kiss to Tony’s forehead and headed for the living room.

***

Clint woke once again to Tony rubbing his palm. He didn’t know why Tony always did that or how it seemed to calm him down and root him in the here and now. It was just one of those things _about Tony_ that he appreciated beyond words. Last night had been hellish for him, his brain determined to re-live the Encounter with more detail then he knew was true and he’d forgotten that Bucky was in the apartment which led to a complete meltdown.

He didn’t want to open his eyes because he felt so stupid to have lost it like that. He hadn’t actually been raped and Tony had ended up being more beaten up and bruised than he had after fighting off the attacker but he couldn’t stop his psyche from overreacting.

“I know you’re awake and I know you’re calling yourself an idiot. Which is true, you are an idiot, it’s why I love you, you make me seem smart. But if you’re calling yourself an idiot because of last night then you really are an idiot.” Tony was rambling, trying to make him feel better. When had Tony become so perceptive? It wasn’t normal for him to be able to read his mind before he’d been awake for ten seconds.

“You’re the idiot Tony. That was complete gibberish. Are you calling me an idiot or not?” he grumbled, cracking open his eyes that felt grainy and sticky. Ew, crying.

Tony was on his side, head propped up one hand looking down on Clint. Tony let go of his hand and poked his chest, hard. “In general, yes. About last night, no. It’s ok to still be upset about the attack. Just because it could have been a lot worse, doesn’t mean you should belittle what you’re going through.” The poking hand now rested on his sternum, a reassuring touch. “Trust me when I say that no one else does.”

It was all Clint could do to nod and try not to cry because, once again, ew, crying. “Thanks Tony.” The other man just nodded and stretched obnoxiously, pushing on Clint’s face with a hand. “Grrauff!” he yelled before attacking Tony’s exposed armpits. He was instantly a squealing, writhing, giggling mess as Clint tickled him mercilessly. He was fighting back ineffectually, trying to find leverage on the bed or against Clint but Clint used his bulk to his advantage.

He froze in horror when he heard a throat clearing and saw Bucky in the doorway with his arms crossed, expression serious but Tony just sucked in air and grinned, “Hey Bucky-bear.”

“It’s no wonder Bruce has such a foul temper if he has to wake up to you two clowns every day,” a smirk growing on his face.

“What are you talking about? Brucie loves his wake up calls,” Tony took advantage of Clint’s distraction and squeezed a handful of ribcage. All the air rushed out of Clint and all his weight dropped back to the bed. Luckily, he landed on Tony who grunted loudly, and once again Clint had the upper hand.

“Ok, idiots, I cooked breakfast if you want any.” Bucky shook his head at their antics and left them to it.

Their tickle war only lasted a few more moments, Clint finally granting mercy. Tony was flushed, eyes closed, breathing heavily, lying prone and boneless on the mattress. Clint sat up on his knees and just looked for a moment. He hadn’t known Tony for very long and they definitely hadn’t been friends before the Encounter, but now Tony was one of the most important people in his life. It meant a lot that Tony took all of his insecurities in stride. He knew that Tony wasn’t actually any older than him but it was reassuring that he always seemed to know what to do, how to handle things, the right things to babble to bring him out of his head or up from his depressions. He didn’t know how Tony would respond to his request, but he suspected and that gave him the courage to ask.

“So, I found this support group. It’s for trauma victims. Survivors. I don’t know. I think I want to try it.” Tony’s eyes flew open, wide and serious and laser focused on Clint. “Would you, could you, maybe come with me if I were to go?”

Tony smiled, warm and sincere. “Of course I will. You didn’t even have to ask.” He sat up and hugged Clint tight. Clint didn’t bother to hide his own smile. “You never have to ask.”

***

When Tony finally wandered into the kitchen, Bucky was grateful that he was already sitting down. Tony’s hair was mussed, his cheeks rosy, his smile was goofy and loose but real. He looked thoroughly debauched, and Bucky was equal parts captivated and aroused. If this was how luscious Tony looked from a little tickling, he couldn’t keep from imagining him after certain other activities.

Tony’s smile tightened and faded the slightest bit as he saw Bucky. “Morning, sorry about the noise. We were just messing around. We do that a lot, goof off and stuff.” Tony said, looking uncomfortable. He sat at the table across from Bucky before grabbing some of the toast, eggs, and coffee Bucky had set out.

Bucky fought down his disappointment; he’d hoped Tony would take the seat next to him, but he should have figured that things wouldn’t be so easily mended between them. Just because they’d shared a kiss didn’t mean Tony had forgiven him. He definitely took full responsibility for that and knew it was up to him to fix, so he smiled as open and warm as he could. “It’s fine, I was up. Wanted to cook you breakfast to say thanks for letting me crash here last night.”

“It’s good, no one ever cooks for me,” Tony replied quietly, a faint blush tinting his cheeks.

Taking a risk, Bucky replied, “Well, I guess I’ll have to stay over more often.” He was rewarded with Tony’s disbelieving stare, eyes wide and mouth open. The eggs that had been on his fork halfway to his mouth tumbled off, landing on his lap.

“Awww,” he whined, the adorable brow furrow making an appearance, accompanied by a ridiculous jutting lower lip. Bucky couldn’t help the giant guffaw of laughter that erupted out of him.

“Sorry, Tony, but that’s the least sad face I’ve ever seen,” he wheezed when he had his breath mostly back. Tony’s only response was to push the lip further out, tilt his head sideways and add a flirty fluttering of eyelashes. Bucky laughed again and flicked a stray bit of scrambled eggs at Tony’s face. It landed in his hair, but Tony didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy sticking his tongue out.

They ate quietly for a few moments; the sound of Clint’s shower karaoke was suddenly much louder as the water was turned off. Bucky knew he didn’t have long before they weren’t alone any more and there was still a lot he had to say to clear the air.

“So you were really good with Clint last night. I didn’t mean to muck it up, I was just surprised that there was someone at the door,” he really didn’t want to bring up his own neuroses, so he was skirting.

Tony stopped eating and nodded, expression serious. His dark eyes bore into Bucky’s like he could see what Bucky was trying to hide, anyway. “There was an incident a few months ago that Clint and I were involved in and now he feels safe here. I won’t take that away from him, it’s important to feel safe.” He shrugged like it was no big deal, but Bucky caught the brief shadow in his eyes of a dark memory.

Bucky wanted to know more about that darkness, chase it away with a kiss, but he didn’t think Tony would let him, not yet. “So dinner, I was thinking maybe Friday night?”

Bucky was rewarded with a real smile. “Yeah, that sounds great. You can pick me up at the hardware store after my shift.” He savored his moment of victory, which was cut all too short by Clint’s whirlwind appearance in the kitchen.

“What up, bitches?” he crowed, plucking the egg from Tony’s hair and popping it in his mouth.

“Yuck,” Bucky held the ‘uu’ for a few seconds to fully demonstrate his disgust, but Tony just giggled, his eyes crunching up in the corners.

“I’m next in the shower,” Tony exclaimed, standing. “You better not have used all the hot water, jerkface.”

“I would never,” Clint held a straight face and pulled Tony’s empty plate and fork toward him before loading it back up with food and diving in.

It was silent after Tony left. Bucky didn’t know if Clint was embarrassed about the previous night or if he was just super focused on breakfast, but he left him to his broodiness and stared into his coffee cup. He actually jumped a bit when Clint did decide to speak.

“So I guess you finally pulled your head out of your ass, huh?”

Bucky was struck dumb by the hostility in that sentence. “What?”

“You were an ass to Tony. You’ve been nothing but an ass to Tony and I don’t like it.”

“I know,” he wouldn’t try to hedge around Tony’s friends, they obviously knew more about Tony than he did. If Clint needed to throw some heat his way, he could take it. Would take it. “And for what it’s worth I’m sorry.”

Clint stared (or glared, more like) at him for a moment, reading who knows what in his expression. “Fine. I’ll give you another chance if he does, but if you hurt him again you’re done. Tony’s an amazing guy who’s had things pretty rough and he deserves good people in his life. And don’t think that just because Natasha’s your roommate she’ll pick your side. Cuz she won’t.”

Bucky did feel himself pale at that, but that seemed to be the reaction Clint wanted. He grinned ruthlessly around a mouthful of toast as he left the kitchen. Bucky watched him layer up in the living room: hoody, leather vest, beanie. He grabbed a backpack from near the door and yelled out, “See you for lunch, Tones!” Tony yelled an affirmative.

Bucky sat at the table, somewhat dazed. He recalled how worried James Rhodes had been for Tony after the concussion. He’d just as soon avoid that man’s opinion on him dating Tony until they were a little more established and Tony had good things to share or Tony’s friends might be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for those of you who think Bucky got off too easy in the previous chaper! Clint's got it covered! Gotta love that guy!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Tony finally go on their date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few days late... holiday parties and holiday party hangovers... hope you enjoy!

Friday night came both too slowly and all of a sudden for Bucky. He’d actually agonized over where to take Tony on their first date. Asking Steve for advice had only led to the hulking blond grabbing him in a headlock, scrubbing at his hair, cooing about how cute he was being.

“Aww…ickle Bucky-kins is nervous about his date!” Then he’d proceeded to laugh himself silly when Bucky threw him on the couch. Bucky sometimes missed the days when Steve was shrimpy and couldn’t pull that kind of crap.

To help make matters worse, there’d been a slight miscommunication and he and Tony hadn’t exchanged phone numbers. Nevertheless, Bucky knew what time Tony would be off of work that evening and he would be there to take him out somewhere fun. It didn’t seem like Tony had a lot of time for fun with his classes and thesis. Bucky hadn’t known before this week that Tony had a job too!

Between Clint’s not so subtle hints and the darkness that Bucky had seen in his eyes the other morning, he knew that there was so much about Tony he didn’t know. But that would come with time. Right now, he just wanted to make Tony laugh.

It was true that he hadn’t dated anyone since before enlisting, so he was definitely nervous (not that he’d tell Steve that), but it wasn’t like he could screw up any more than he already had, right? He didn’t want to do the usual dinner and a movie; the dinner conversation would be awful because he’d be too busy staring at Tony’s beautiful face. So he chose something fun and cheap and silly, but hopefully Tony would have fun.

He parked his motorcycle on the sidewalk near the small hardware store. It wasn’t some big brand name store, just some locally owned joint that got most of its business from the college engineering department and the few self-sufficient students that were capable of fixing their own stuff. Tony was inside, pulling the blinds down over the windows; he flashed a surprised smile at Bucky and waved. It was dorky and Bucky loved it.

Tony came outside shortly after the lights inside went out. “Hey Bucky, what are you doing here? Is it Friday already?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah Tony, it’s Friday. We have a date, if you remember?” He teased.

“Pbbt.. of course I remembered. Well, I remembered that we had a date for Friday I just didn’t realize that today is Friday. But this is great!” Tony grinned brilliantly at Bucky, then pulled off his red polo without warning. Underneath, he was wearing a black tee shirt with some metal band on it but Bucky didn’t care to see which one as Tony bent over to shove the polo into his messenger bag.

Tony’s dark wash jeans hugged him in all the right places and the depraved part of Bucky’s brain licked its lips in anticipation. Granted, he’d seen Tony in various stages of undress a few times this week but he was cursing his past self for the amount of attention spared to appreciate such things. Like the phenomenal swell of Tony’s ass…

He realized he was staring as Tony whipped around saying, “Ok, let’s go!” Tony’s eyebrows lifted and a smirk danced on his lips. Bucky cleared his throat and handed his second helmet over, not trusting himself to speak. Tony took the helmet, smirk slipping into something more genuine.

“So where are you taking me? Is there food? I’m starving, I hope there’s food,” Tony started talking while wrapping his arms around Bucky’s middle without hesitation and tucking his head against his back between his shoulder blades. He dwarfed Tony so much it would be hard to tell that he even had a passenger on the bike.

“It’s a surprise, but I think you’ll like it,” Bucky said, giving one of Tony’s arms a squeeze before kicking the bike to a roaring start.

***

Tony was silent as they pulled into the parking lot, not saying a word as Bucky put away the helmets and straightened his jacket. He looked at Bucky, a confused unsure expression on his face.

“We’re going bowling?” There was a strange note to his voice that Bucky couldn’t place.

“Yeah, I hope that’s ok. Some people think it’s dumb, but I like it. If you don’t want to, though, we could – “ he was cut off by Tony’s joyful shriek as the smaller man threw himself into Bucky’s arms, hugging him while bouncing up and down on his toes. It was awkward but had Bucky laughing.

“No, no, no! I’ve always wanted to go bowling!” Tony was suddenly a very excited ten year old.

He looked down at Tony who was still in the circle of his arms. “Really? Are you saying you’ve never bowled before?” It was hard to believe. Who hadn’t bowled before?

“Never! Now let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!” then Tony had grabbed his hand and was dragging him toward the entrance. It took Bucky a moment to follow, as Tony had grabbed his prosthetic. It didn’t seem to faze him at all though; no awkwardness or tentative backtracking, just enthusiasm so Bucky just rolled with it.

It was disco night at the bowling alley, so the inside was dark but wildly lit with the giant mirrored balls and colored strobe and laser lights that splashed along the walls and the lanes. Music that was probably a playlist from an eighties prom night was blasting. Tony was completely awestruck, he dropped Bucky’s hand and his mouth fell open; eyes wide, catching everything. Bucky couldn’t help it, he put his arm around Tony’s waist and squeezed him close to his side.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said with his mouth unnecessarily close to Tony’s ear.

“It’s awesome! Why have we not done this before? Ooh, is that food?” Tony was scampering away toward the small food vendor before Bucky could response. Bucky let him go and went to grab a lane, shoes, and balls. Tony came back shortly with a tray of crappy hamburgers and the greasiest fries around and a couple glasses of what were obviously bottom of the keg beer.

Bucky traded him for the ugliest pair of red and blue bowling shoes he’d ever seen. “Ugh,” Tony said, scrunching up his nose. “I’d heard rumors that this was a bowling tradition.”

Bucky laughed, “Yep, you have to wear them to play. Come on, they’re not that bad.” Tony’s stare was unimpressed and only succeeded in having Bucky laugh harder. “Put ‘em on, punk. Let’s get playing.” That had Tony scrambling to lace up, tossing his worn gray Converse away, while also shoveling fries in his mouth.

“What? I’m hungry,” he grumbled in reply to Bucky’s raised eyebrow.

“Ok, let me show you how to throw, and I’ll go first,” Bucky said, picking up a 16 pounder. “Put your fingers in here, some people prefer the ring finger and others the pointer. It doesn’t really matter. What?” Tony was obviously trying not to laugh.

“You just stick your fingers in the hole? Three of them?” he was doing that overly innocent eyelash batting thing, before he burst into laughter, leaning onto Bucky’s arm. Bucky huffed out his own laugh and elbowed Tony gently.

“Shut up, punk. We’ll discuss your finger preferences later,” He hadn’t meant for that to come out as sexually charged as it had, but as he met Tony’s eyes a spark seemed to light between them. His hand was suddenly scorching against Bucky’s bare arm. Bucky watched breathlessly as Tony bit his lower lip. He stood on his toes, bringing his face close to Bucky’s as if for a kiss, not breaking eye contact.

“Promise?” He whispered huskily from an inch away. It took all of Bucky’s control to not grab Tony’s face and shove his tongue down his throat. Tony dropped back down to his heels, breaking the tension. “Let’s bowl!”

The rest of the game went very well, with them talking and cracking jokes. Maybe if they’d been at a more sit-down place things would have been awkward but there was so much going on at the alley that there wasn’t the chance. Tony was unsurprisingly horrible at bowling. It was a curse common to most beginners, but he was outraged when Bucky set the computer to put up gutter guards. He also had a great turkey impression ready when Bucky got three strikes in a row that had Bucky in tears clutching at his side.

They were quiet as they left, walking back to the motorcycle. He handed Tony the spare helmet again and the tension was back. They were standing on the edge of a cliff, silent but for the sound of their breathing, Tony’s eyes huge and endlessly deep in the faint parking lot light.

“Bucky,” Tony whispered. It sent the same shiver down his spine as it had the first time he’d heard it, but he didn’t bother hiding it. He grabbed Tony roughly, one hand on his lower back to wrench him closer, the other cradling his neck as he brought their mouths together.

Tony melted into Bucky’s touch, his body pressing tightly against Bucky’s, his mouth opening with a soft moan that Bucky licked away, tongue exploring deeply. Bucky heard the helmet hit the pavement and Tony’s hands were on his scalp, massaging, tangling in his hair. Bucky groaned into the sensation. They made out in the parking lot for another few minutes before Tony pulled back, resting his forehead on Bucky’s chest, gasping for breath.

“Bucky,” he said again, voice a little gruff with want. “Um, I think everyone who uses my apartment is gone for the night, if you want to…” he trailed off, the tentativeness of that question giving away his inexperience. Bucky was surprised, but he wanted to enjoy every precious kiss and moment with Tony, there was no reason to push.

He gathered Tony to him in a gentle hug. “I think I want to kiss you until the sun comes up. Can we do that?”

Tony nodded, “Yeah that sounds perfect.” Bucky used one hand to lift Tony’s head so that he could see those beautiful brown eyes. He pressed one chaste, tender kiss to Tony’s lips and stepped back, grabbing the fallen helmet.

“Let’s go, babe, we’re running out of night.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Tony go to group therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter to make up for my recent laziness!

Warmth, all-encompassing warmth, was the first thing that Tony was aware of. It was unusual, as his few blankets were a more on the threadbare side and Clint was a blanket hog. An unrepentant blanket whore, actually. The warmth was unusual and nice, and rumbly?

Oh, it was Bucky, talking to him. He was curled up and pressed against Bucky’s body infusing him with heat from head to toe. His face was tucked under the larger man’s armpit, and he could definitely use a refresh on the deodorant, but Tony wasn’t complaining too much.

He opened his eyes blearily to find the other man grinning down at him. “You’re really fucking adorable in the morning, you know,” Bucky said, and Tony giggled as the rumbly feeling against his chest returned.

Bucky rolled so that he was on top of Tony, weight on his elbows framing Tony’s face. “And that giggle. I’m a grown man, I shouldn’t be so in love with a giggle. Do it again, I want to hear it,” and he ducked his head to blow lightly on the juncture of Tony’s neck. Tony squealed and, of course, giggled. He couldn’t help it that he was freakishly ticklish. “There we go, best morning ever,” Bucky said, leaning in to kiss Tony.

“Best night ever,” Tony replied when his mouth was free. It was true, after bowling, they’d come back to Tony’s and made out on the couch until Tony was all but asleep. It had been super hot, but Bucky didn’t try and take it any further, for which Tony was grateful. He didn’t want to move too fast, he’d been burned by that before. Bucky had carried Tony to the bedroom without any apparent effort and then the kisses had been slow and sweet and lingering.

“Mmhmm,” Bucky hummed his agreement, pressing in for another kiss. Tony threaded his hands through the long hair that had fallen out of Bucky’s sleeping bun, finger combing the few tangles he encountered. “How about breakfast, babe? I’m thinking pancakes.”

Tony found himself swept away to the kitchen, set in a chair, chin resting on knees, slowly slurping a cup of coffee and watching as Bucky turned the art of pancakes into a silly, yet sexy little display. Every time Tony laughed, Bucky seemed to get happier and more comfortable. By the time the food was ready, Tony was sitting in Bucky’s lap secured there with the prosthetic arm as they shared the pancakes.

Tony thought that breakfast might become his favorite meal of the day if he could have this every day. He didn’t want the date to end, but after a few more lazy hours Bucky left to go work out with Steve (who’d been texting Bucky all morning asking for news) and Tony hopped in the shower to get ready for the day. It was Saturday and that evening would be the first group therapy session with Clint.

***

Tony was beyond thrilled that Clint was finally going to get some help dealing with the aftermath of the Encounter. Not that he would ever stop being there or helping Clint as much as he could, but he wouldn’t always be there and, honestly, his increasing agoraphobia was a little worrying. Lately, it seemed that if any group outing happened after dark and Tony wasn’t there, Clint wouldn’t go. It was definitely a relief to see him reaching out for additional support.

He’d been beyond surprised when Clint had started coming around and hanging out at his apartment.

 _The knock at the door was out of place enough to startle him out of his engineering fugue. He shook his head to dispel the lingering equations and to-do lists floating around his vision. Bruce had said that he would be spending the night at Betty’s and everyone else was uncomfortably aware that Tony never locked his doors._  

_He went to the door, not bothering with the peephole, and opened it to reveal Clint, holding up a six pack of beer and a bag of what smelled like amazing Thai food… “Clint? Hi.”_

_“Hey Tony, sorry for just dropping by but I was wondering if we could hang out? And I never really thanked you for… you know,” he trailed off with a shrug. Clint never acted this way in class, and after a quick, closer inspection Tony noticed the dark bags under Clint’s eyes and the waxy pallor of his skin. Something was definitely off._

_A little worried, he invited the guy in with a gesture. “Don’t worry about it, man. Glad I could help. Is that Thai? Any chance of mango curry?” He grabbed for the bag and walked back into the apartment, leaving Clint to follow on his own._

_They ate and played videogames on the couch into the wee hours of the morning. Tony must have fallen asleep at some point, and when he woke it was dark; the living room lit by a soft blue glow coming from the television. He groaned, neck sore from his awkward sideways sprawl and he stretched it out, sitting up. He stopped when he heard the harsh breathing of someone else in a pattern indicative of sobbing._  

_Clint was curled into a ball on the opposite side of the couch, shaking and crying, with his head hidden in his hands. Tony’s heart broke just a little bit, and he suddenly knew why Clint had looked so run-down and why he needed company. This was some kind of traumatic stress thing rearing its ugly head._

_“Oh, Clint, buddy,” he whispered. “Come here, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Slowly, he convinced Clint to uncurl, and pulled him into an awkward side hug. Clint took advantage of the comfort, his sobs suddenly much louder and more powerful and he practically climbed into Tony’s lap, hands clutching at his shirt._

_Tony let Clint cry himself to sleep, holding him, petting his hair, and talking nonsense softly to let him know he was safe and not alone._

After that first night, Tony had done some research about helping people experiencing trauma so that he would be more prepared in the future. Surely enough, Clint had shown up at the apartment increasingly often and his biggest comfort was touch, as backward as that sounded based on the physicality of his trauma. It somehow became routine for Clint to be in whatever room Tony was in, to sleep curled up at Tony’s side.

A dark, selfish part of Tony would be sad to see that go; he didn’t have many friends and they weren’t always able to spend a lot of time with him. Certain aspects of his personality grated on people’s nerves, regardless of how much they actually cared for him. If he was being honest with himself, he had been lonely before Clint and he was desperately afraid to lose that friendship.

Clint had been texting him all day and it was obvious to Tony that he was nervous about this trauma support group. He probably needed to get out of his head for a bit beforehand, so Tony invited him out for pizza first, there was a little hole in the wall place not far from where the group session would be and they were unlikely to be found by their other friends.

He was already in a booth at the back, having placed an order for a huge meat-loaded pizza that the two of them were unlikely to finish, when Clint slid into the other side. Tony finished his text to Bucky and put his phone in his pocket.

“What’s with that face?” Clint asked, ever nosy and slipping his jacket off.

Tony did his best to wipe what had to be a ridiculously sappy grin off of his face. “Just texting Bucky,” he shrugged, trying to downplay the whole thing.

Clint went stone-faced. “So did he treat you right last night? Cuz if he didn’t I’m getting Nat and we’ll kick his ass so hard!”

Tony held up both arms placatingly, “Whoa, whoa. Hold up, dude. The date was great, and Bucky was amazing. No need for violence.”

Tony didn’t know if something had shown on his face, but suddenly Clint was smiling again, honest and gentle. “That’s good, Tony. I like seeing you happy, you deserve to be happy. But the ass-whoopin’ is always on the table if it changes.”

Tony blushed, ducking his head, hoping that the food would be out soon. It was a strange comfort to have people that wanted to ensure his happiness. Maybe when this was all over he’d still have Clint.

“He made me breakfast again, I really like that. I didn’t think I’d like something so… domestic or that he would be into it,” Tony said and then they were off discussing Tony’s date. Clint was equally outraged that Tony had never been bowling before and vowed that they would all go, bowling only gets more fun with more people.

Eventually, it was time to head down the street to the city building where the group session would be held. They stood outside the room for a while, watching all the people inside from the hall. Tony was waiting for Clint to enter first, this was for him and he wouldn’t push. If Clint wanted to stand in the hall all night, Tony would stand with him. Clint deserved his support.

Before Clint made a decision either way, a handsome taller man neatly dressed in black slacks, a pristine white button down and black tie walked over. “Hi there, are you two here for the session?” he asked, his voice mellow and polite. His entire demeanor was professional, yet open and welcoming and his small smile lit up his face.

Tony glanced sideways at Clint, who looked completely dumbstruck, so he stepped forward, hand out. “Yes, hi. We’re here for group. I’m Tony and this is Clint.” He shook hands with the newcomer.

“Great, well, welcome to group. I would say it’s nice to have you, but considering everyone’s circumstances..” he shrugged in a deprecating way. “Anyway, I’m Phil Coulson and I lead most of the group sessions.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more Phil, coffee, and Tony and Bucky being adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for your comments! I love reading them and appreciate you all very much!

Tony was so tuned in to Clint’s body language he almost had a headache. He was paying close attention for any signs of discomfort, any indication that Clint wanted to hightail it out of there, but his friends’ reaction to Phil was an unknown variable.

He still wasn’t surprised when Clint didn’t volunteer to talk during this little session. It seemed that they were the only newcomers and everyone else there was familiar with each other’s histories. It was a little awkward, but after Phil briefly introduced them to everyone, they were politely left to themselves. Tony was relieved and Clint was too, if the way he’d loosened his grip on Tony’s hand was any indication.  

For an hour, they listened to other people speak about their recovery, the small things that they considered to be victories either over their disabilities or their attackers, if that was the case. There were a few people who felt that they were stuck in a rut or even going backwards with their recovery, but the group was quick to protest any self-derogatory statements. They were all about discussion and moving forward; setbacks and slowdowns were just another aspect of recovery, a necessary evil.

Tony found the overall compassion and motivation in the room extremely heartening and he could tell that a great deal of the atmosphere was due to Phil’s artful handling of the room and the flow of conversation. He was comfortable declaring Phil a positive variable to Clint’s recovery. It was further proved when the man approached them again when people were starting to leave.

Tony was lingering near the free coffee station; sure, it was kind of horrible quality, but it was fresh and strong.

“You know, there’s a little coffee shop a couple blocks down that has much better stuff than that,” Phil said, gesturing at the tiny styrofoam cup in Tony’s hands. Tony looked up, intrigued and hopeful. “Maybe the three of us could go grab a cup before you two head out. I could tell you a little more about the group and how we work and what the expectations are.”

“Yeah, that would be great, I have so many questions. Clint?” Tony asked, already tossing his drink into a trash can.

“I’m cool with it, let’s go,” Clint said, smiling broadly.

***

The café was one that Tony had never been to before, which was impressive. He thought he’d mapped out all the good caffeine holes around campus. A straight faced brunette greeted them impassively when they approached the counter.

“Coulson. Welcome back,” It was said with zero warmth and a small amount of familiarity.

“Hill. Always a pleasure. How’s the academy?” Phil responded with a smile despite the nonchalance of the woman. Really, nothing seemed to faze the man.

“It’s going really well – have an exam on the call-in codes next week I’m prepping for,” there was a ghost of a smile there.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Maria, it’s definitely your calling. We’ll take 3 coffees, please. When you get a minute.” Phil smoothly ordered for them and led them to a small, secluded table in the back of the shop. “Maria’s a cadet in the police academy. She’s a real bulldog, so don’t piss her off,” he explained.

Tony’s eyes widened and he was sure to be extra friendly when the woman came back over with their drinks.

“So, Phil,” Tony started, after taking a long sip from his cup, “Are you licensed therapist or something?” He’d been wondering the credentials of the obviously competent group leader.

“No, actually. Our group is a Peer Support Group, and while we occasionally have health professionals sit in and offer their help, the objective of our group is simply to share our experiences and learn from that jointly. The goal is for you to feel more in control of your situation, confident, and at the base of that is a need for support which we supply. Now, most support groups are facilitated or a trauma survivor, and that would be me.”

“Really?” Clint interjected curiously. “But you seem so… put together?” His shoulders rose a bit defensively, doubtingly.

“Yes, I am a trauma victim and it has taken years for me to get to where I am. And I’m not afraid to admit that some days are still worse than others. Don’t be discouraged, Clint. It means so much to your recovery that you are even reaching out, and I can tell that you have your own support group and that’s huge too,” Phil said looking pointedly at Tony.

“I was stabbed in the back by a strung out drug addict who was not in his right mind while walking down the street. I was in the hospital for a long time and when I was finally released, I had a crippling fear of being around other people. It’s not rational, but I still have days when I can’t go out in crowds. It’s not a perfect process, but the bright side is that I’m not as afraid as I was.”

Phil was brutal in his honesty and Tony was beyond impressed. He could only hope that Clint was getting just as much out of this. Realistic goals would be better than the expectation that everything would go back to normal, if there was any such thing as normal anymore.

They chatted for a while longer in the café, until their coffee was long gone. Tony checked his watch, it was after ten.

“Hey, Clint, I gotta head out. Do you want to walk with me?” Tony asked. Usually after dark, he needed someone to walk with him.

Clint looked at Tony, then at Phil, who offered, “I can drive you home later if you’d like to continue talking?”

“That would be awesome, Phil. Thank you! Ok Tony? I’ll catch you for lunch tomorrow?” Clint’s smile was practically splitting his face in two.

Tony couldn’t help but grin in return. “Sure thing, buddy. Nice to meet you, Phil.” He shook the other man’s hand and left the shop after waving quickly at Maria who nodded in response.

***

Sadly, Tony spent the rest of the evening and most of Sunday at the engineering labs working on his thesis project. He’d lost most of the week with recovery and social events, which was highly unusual.

Around seven pm Sunday, the janitor turned the lights off in the lab, startling Tony out of his work and into reality. His back, neck, and head ached; this was the longest he’d gone without painkillers or sleep since the previous week and he was not used to it. His stomach growled loudly. Oh, and the last time he’d eaten was pizza the previous evening. Groaning loudly and stretching, he fumbled for his phone in the dark. Whoa, he was not expecting to have over twenty texts waiting for him!

He quickly scrolled through, a few from Clint who was apparently crushing hard on Phil, a couple from Bruce asking about groceries, and a lot from Bucky. Those ranged from normal, ‘hey, what’s ups’ to a picture of Steve getting extremely frustrated with the printer in the library (Tony had to laugh at that) to slightly more worried sounding as Sunday went by without Tony’s reply.

Oops, maybe Tony had forgotten to mention that he was terrible at communication and often spent all-nighters in the labs working on some project, studying, or grading papers. He’d better call Bucky and let him know what was going on.

He dialed Bucky while gathering up his stuff and heading toward the door, not minding the dark one bit.

“Tony! Are you ok? What’s going on, why haven’t you been answering my texts?” Uh oh, Bucky was definitely worried.

“Hey Bucky! Sorry, I’m fine, but I guess I never told you how much time I spend in the labs working?” Tony just hoped Bucky wouldn’t be mad.

“Have you been working since last night?” There was something off about Bucky’s tone, but Tony couldn’t read it.

“Uh, yeah. I had a lot of stuff to make up from last week, but I’m walking back to my apartment now.” Tony had in fact made it to the lobby of the engineering building and was ready for the mile and half walk.

“No, I don’t think so. You park your cute little behind on a bench. I’m coming to pick you up. Don’t argue.” Before Tony could even think about arguing, Bucky’d hung up on him. Not about to waste a ride on the back of Bucky’s bike, he found a bench and parked, taking the time to respond to some of his other texts.

Bruce had emailed him a new science article on neurological mimicry implants that Tony was quickly engrossed in, so much so that Bucky’s hand on his shoulder made him squeak and jump out of his skin.

“Jesus, Bucky! Make some noise next time!” He cried, trying to calm his rabbiting heartbeat.

Bucky looked unapologetic, and delicious in his leather jacket and tight jeans. “Tony, I rode up on a motorcycle. You can’t get much louder than that. You were just trapped in nerd-world.” He smiled to show he was teasing, as he hefted Tony’s bag on his shoulder.

“What? I’m not nerdy,” Tony protested loudly, allowing Bucky to haul him to his feet, but refusing to let go of his hand after. “I’m dating a super-hot badass with a motorcycle. Ipso facto, not a nerd.”

Bucky looked down at him fondly, “You said ipso facto. That totally makes you’re a nerd. My hot and adorable, genius nerd boyfriend.” Tony turned and stood on his tiptoes to plant a kiss on Bucky’s mouth. He meant it to be short, but realized that he’d actually missed Bucky in the short time he hadn’t seen him. Apparently, Bucky had missed him too because they were soon both breathless from the kiss.

“So, dinner?” Bucky asked.

***

Bucky had been getting increasingly worried as Sunday went by without hearing from Tony. His anxiety ratcheting upward with every passing hour, allowing his mind to come up with all sorts of horrible scenarios. Tony could be studying or prepping for the upcoming week (very likely), or he could be in the hospital after a horrible accident (very unlikely), or he and Clint discovered they were soulmates and had run away to be together (hopefully unlikely).

Steve had finally gotten fed up with him checking his phone every two minutes and gone to his own room for some peace. He hadn’t seen Natasha all day; who knew what that woman got up to in her spare time. It was approaching dinner time but Bucky wasn’t sure he could eat without hearing from Tony first. A nagging part of his brain wondered how he’d gotten so attached so quickly. It wasn’t like him for his happiness to be so dependent upon another person.

Still, there was no denying the depth of relief and happiness he felt when he saw that Tony was calling him. Within minutes, he had Tony in his arms, safe and whole. His military training objected strongly to how easy it had been to sneak up on his boyfriend. They’d have to talk about that, anything could have happened.

It could wait, though; Tony was obviously exhausted. Bucky decided to take him to their place for dinner before dropping him off at his own apartment. If he was left to his own devices, Tony probably wouldn’t eat at all.

It didn’t seem to register with Tony that they were at Bucky’s apartment, as Bucky took his hand and pulled him up the outdoor stairs and into the door on the right. Bucky’s place was quite a bit nicer than Tony’s; each building was organized around a small courtyard with some grass and a grill with two opposing sets of stairs leading to the second floor apartments. The benefit of having three roommates instead of two. The inside was bright and clean, in warm greens and browns: the benefit of having Steve as a roommate.

Bucky pulled the door shut behind them and eased Tony into a seat at their dining table. He instantly slumped down, eyes half shut and focused on nothing.

Steve wandered in from his room, sketchpad in hand, startling at Tony’s dazed look. “You found him! Told ya he’d be fine, Buck,” he said, clapping Bucky on the shoulder before taking a seat next to Tony. “Hey Tony, how are you?” The Concerned Face of Utmost Seriousness graced his features and intensified when Tony didn’t reply.

He glanced up at Bucky, who shrugged, “I think he’s just exhausted. I’m gonna get some food in him and see if that helps. It sounded like he’s been working since after he met up with Clint yesterday.”

Steve’s eyes widened in amazement. “Wow, yeah, good idea. Let’s start with food. You need any help?”

“Nah, just make sure he doesn’t go catatonic while I’m in here,” Bucky said. He dropped Tony’s bags in the small curtained nook between the kitchen and living room. It was a fairly open floor plan with the entryway, dining area, living room, and kitchen only separated by the floor to ceiling nook and shelf and a small breakfast bar. It was kind of necessary with two fairly recent army vets in residence.

He and Steve talked a little bit while he cooked some grilled cheese sandwiches and a large pot of tomato soup. It was fast and comforting, and he had yet to meet someone who didn’t like grilled cheese.

“Huh, well that’s interesting. Bucky, come look at this,” Steve called. Bucky looked in to see him rip a blank page out of his pad and gently place a pencil in Tony’s hand that had been twitching on the table. Tony instantly put the pencil to the paper and started writing and sketching, his eyes suddenly focused and intense. Numbers and equations Bucky had never seen before quickly grew to cover the page.

Bucky let out a low, impressed whistle. He had known Tony was smart, going for a PhD at such a young age, but this was _unreal_ and a little intimidating. He blew off that insecurity with the knowledge that Tony was smart but still had trouble feeding himself. So there!

When the food was ready, he dished up three bowls of the soup and took a huge plate of the sandwiches out to the table. Steve jumped up to grab silverware and Bucky smiled gratefully.

Bucky grabbed Tony’s hand gently, stopping its progress across the page and pulled the pencil out of his now lax grip. “Tony, babe, it’s time for dinner. You have to eat something,” he said as he replaced the pencil with a spoon. “It’s soup, Tony.”

Tony began to eat mechanically and was halfway through his soup when he came out of his trance to discover the grilled cheese. He still didn’t say anything. Bucky and Steve exchanged confused glances across the tabletop. It was an improvement, anyway. Tony was one cheese down and in the middle of dipping his second in the remains of the soup, when he looked up at Bucky.

“Bucky? What?” His voice was quiet and worried.

“Hey Tony. I picked you up from the lab and brought you to my place for dinner. Are you ok? Do you remember that?” Bucky asked, keeping his own voice even and soft.

Tony nodded slowly, “Yeah, sorry. Did you cook me dinner?” A bit of sandwich hung from his fingers, and he was staring at it like it held the secrets of the universe.

“Yeah, you seemed like you needed it. Did you like it?” Bucky asked, amused by this Tony, slowly coming back to reality. He was startled when Tony abruptly threw himself at Bucky, straddling Bucky’s waist and chair, both arms wrapped around his neck. After a moment, he felt Tony trembling, his whole body shuddering with some unknown emotion. Bucky wrapped his own arms around Tony’s frame, rubbing one hand up and down his back soothingly.

A fleeting look showed that Steve was as alarmed as he was, but Steve was standing and pulling out his phone. Bucky wondered who he was calling, but focused on Tony again. “Hey, Tones, it’s ok. It’s just dinner, ok. I’m sorry if it upset you.”

“No, Bucky, I’m not upset,” Tony said, pulling back so that Bucky could see his face. Tony unwrapped his arms from Bucky’s neck and instead put them on his cheeks. A brilliant smile broke out, warring with the obvious moisture in Tony’s eyes. “No one’s cooked dinner for me in a very long time. I love it, thank you.”

Before Bucky could respond, he was being kissed, which was fine, really. Steve came back to the table, clearing his throat loud enough to break their mouths apart.

“So, I just spoke with Bruce,” he started. Bucky had never been more grateful for Steve’s quick thinking and ability to roll with just about any situation or this could be fairly embarrassing. “Apparently, the catatonia is low blood sugar and you should expect Tony to be a bit clingy when he comes out of it.” Steve’s smile was definitely amused.

“Buck, why don’t you two go to bed and I’ll clean up, here,” Steve offered.

“Thanks, Steve, that sounds like a great idea” Bucky said, standing and keeping Tony in his arms to carry him to his bedroom. It assuaged a lot of his worries that Bruce had known what was going on with Tony. Maybe he’d have to spend some time with Tony’s friends, he needed to know more if he was going to keep Tony safe and sane, not to mention fed and functioning like a real person. He had some bridges to mend with Clint, anyway.

He set Tony down on his own feet in his room, holding on to his shoulders until he was sure he was capable of standing. “You sure you’re ok, Tony?”

“Yeah, Bucky. I’m sorry. I always forget about the blood sugar thing. Usually someone is at the lab with food,” Tony said sheepishly, absently biting at his lower lip. “I didn’t mean for you to have to see me like that.”

“Hey, it’s ok. Kinda wish you’d told me before so I could have brought you a snack, though. I’ve got to take care of my best fella, right?” Tony blushed and giggled, which was Bucky’s goal and the highlight of his day. Pulling Tony into a bone-crushing he hug, he sighed out all of his stress and worries and breathed in that refreshing coconut _Tony_ smell.

“Alright, babe, let’s get some sleep and I’ll whip up some pancakes in the morning,” Bucky said, tossing Tony on the bed. Tony giggled as he bounced and instantly pulled the comforter around him like a burrito, completely messing up the rest of the blankets.

“Oh, come on, Tony! Can’t you sleep like a normal person?” he cried in mock exasperation.

One eye and a handful of mussed brown hair peeked out at Bucky. “Make me,” the blankets deadpanned.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. “You’re asking for it, punk,” he said before pouncing, both hands searching for Tony’s ticklish ribs. As Tony squealed and begged for mercy, Bucky couldn’t help but smile. Yes, it was so much better having Tony here with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's feeling stressed and overwhelmed and takes it out on his friend, then has a little self-destructive freak out. Cue Rhodey to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter! Real life's been kicking my butt :)

Tony was reviewing data printouts following several tensile strength tests he’d performed earlier in the week, he’d need to organize and assess and justify in a report what type of materials to go with, when his stomach growled. He checked his watch, nearly noon. Taking a moment, he rolled his head on his neck in large slow circles, stretching out stiff muscles. He’d love to step out and grab some lunch, but as much as he needed a break, he needed to finish reviewing this data for this thesis even more.

It was harder than he’d imagined trying to find a balance between being a decent boyfriend and keeping up with all of his school and work commitments. It didn’t help that his friends were suddenly very pushy about wanting to spend time with him. Clint had shown up nearly every day to haul Tony out of the Engineering lab for lunch and Bruce had taken to bringing him sack lunches on his weekend lab benders. E _ven Pepper was in on it_ , showing up at least once a week to wheedle him into spending a lunch hour chatting at a coffee shop.

Between the three of them and Bucky cooking him breakfast whenever they had a sleepover (and he meant that in the most innocent manner, of course) and then dinner after picking him at the hardware store every night, Tony hadn’t missed a meal in, well, _weeks_.

His eyes nearly bugged out of his head; what on earth was going on here?

 

“Tony, are you ok? You’ve been staring at me for like 5 whole minutes. It’s freaking me out, dude,” Oh hey, Clint was here for lunch. Right on schedule.

 

“What are you doing?” Tony asked, starting to panic a bit, desperate to understand what was going on.

 

“Uh, don’t you mean ‘how’ are you doing? The answer is fantabulous and I’m starving, so let’s roll!” Clint answered, moving into Tony’s space and tugging him up from his stool by an elbow. “Where’d you put your coat? It’s cold out, you’re gonna need it.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, what are you doing?” Tony waved both hands in front of his face and stopping abruptly, forcing Clint to stop as well. “What is everybody doing? It’s noon and we’re going to lunch  _again.”_ Tony fixed Clint with his steeliest teacher stare, kicking up one eyebrow just a tad.

 

Clint wilted and caved in less than 2 seconds (a new record). He let out a whine and hung his head, arms crossing defensively in front of his chest. “For the record this was all Bucky’s idea!” Tony scrunched his forehead in confusion.

 

“It’s just, you know, you really freaked him out a few weeks ago when you didn’t eat for like a whole day and had a blood sugar crash, so he got Brucie, and me and Pepper together to see if we’d be willing to help make sure that didn’t happen again,” Clint shrugged, avoiding eye contact, and acting generally super uncomfortable and un-Clint-like.

 

Tony cycled through emotions so quickly, he was left breathless. It was sort of endearing that his friends were taking care of him this way, but did they really think that he was incapable of fending for himself? Excuse them, one incident did not discount a lifetime of successfully dealing with his condition. Most of them hadn’t even known about it, which was how he wanted it; who gave them the right to know something so personal about him? The whole thing was so…condescending.

 

“You..what?” Tony was speechless, dropping back onto his stool and roughly scrubbing his hands over his face. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. He had so much work to do before mid-terms, which were swiftly approaching.

 

“Tony, man, we’re all just a little worried about you. You work so hard, like all the time, we just wanted to help. Just making sure you remember to eat.” If Tony had looked up, he would have seen how earnest Clint truly was, honest concern written on his face. Instead, he turned back to his computer.

 

In a toneless voice that Tony had never needed to use with his friends, he spoke, “I appreciate your concern, Clint, but I am more than capable of taking care of myself. I’ve been fine on my own for a long time.”

 

“I know, Tony, it’s not like that at all,” Clint started, but Tony interrupted more anger seeping through his cool mask as he whirled to face Clint once more.

 

“I have commitments, Clint! I don’t know what kind of rainbow fairy world you’re living in, but in mine there are no fucking rainbows! Do you know how much work a doctorate is? I’m trying to do this as fast as I can before I’m literally buried in debt. I cannot, in time or money, afford to eat out with you every day. You all need to stop pretending that you know me better than I do.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut, as the stress of trying to support himself through college compressed his chest, sending a wave of panic through him.

 

Clint was saying something, in a soft, comforting tone, but Tony couldn’t listen. “Please just leave me alone, Clint,” he said, putting in his earbuds and cranking rock and roll loud enough to be heard from three feet away. He watched Clint’s face fall, reflected in his computer screen, and was instantly ashamed. All of his anger replaced with crippling heartsickness.

 

Now he’d done it, run off one of the best friends he’d ever made. Why was he such an asshole?

 

***

Tony successfully avoided everyone he knew for the rest of the day, choosing to be overly professional in lab. Luckily, it was an easy lab that didn’t require much of his supervision but a lot of cleanup, so Bucky and Clint were forced to leave before him.

Going by the prickling of the back of his neck, he knew that furtive resentful glances were being shot his way. He didn’t want to hear what Bucky had to say about how he’d treated Clint. He knew he was scum, he didn’t need that reinforced.

He heaved a sigh of relief when he finally saw Steve ushering the two others out after they’d dawdled and whisper-argued for a solid ten minutes.

It was almost two-thirty when he was ready to leave; the lab cleaner than it had been in ages. Bucky didn’t have class again until four, when Tony was supposed to be at the hardware store. He knew just the place to go where Bucky wouldn’t think to look for him.

Ducking into the supply room, he went through to the lab on the other side; it was closer to the stairwell. When two-thirty hit, a stampede of students came flowing down, allowing Tony perfect camouflage for his escape. There was a 67% chance that one of the guys would have been waiting outside of the lab for him to emerge.

He stayed with the crowd, cutting through the building that held most of the literature courses (where he would usually never stand to be seen), and hustled across campus with his head down and his hood up.

By two forty-five, he was at his destination: the coffee shop where he, Clint, and Phil frequented after the Saturday night group sessions. His dejection hit him once again; Clint would probably never invite him here with him again. They’d been here quite a few times now and Tony unofficially had his own designated chair close to the counter; entering into some strange silent friendship with Maria Hill where they exchanged minimal words and an abundance of caffeine while he worked.

Sitting in his seat, he nodded a greeting at Maria who responded with one of her own and set a mug of black coffee in front of him. He grabbed it gratefully, putting his face close, inhaling the rich aroma. It was comforting; despite its purpose, coffee always had a calming effect on Tony. Yes, it gave him energy and motivation, but it always smelled and tasted the same. It was constant, unlike so much in his life.

“You’re in early. Everything ok?” Tony looked up, surprised that Maria had asked. A small furrow had formed between her eyebrows.

“No,” he breathed out honestly.

She frowned. “Wanna talk about it?”

He huffed, a tiny smile quirking up one side of his mouth. Shaking his head no he said, “Thanks, though. Really.”

“If you change your mind, let me know,” and Tony’s mind was blown when she flashed him a genuine, large smile. It completely changed her face, brightening it tenfold, and eased his gloom a bit.

Maybe he just needed a friendly face. Pulling out his phone, he texted Rhodey.

[Tony] **Hey Rhodey, having a rough day, can you meet me @10, the Crown Pub?**

[Rhodey] **Sure, may be a few mins late tho**

[Tony] **Thanks honey bear** **J**

[Rhodey] **Np, see you later**

***

Tony closed up the store fifteen minutes early in order to duck out before Bucky arrived. It’s not like anyone really shopped there after eight pm anyway. It was pitch black outside and cold. Tony shivered, he hated winter, he would much rather be somewhere that was sunny and warm all the time. He imagined his epically cool beach house as he walked to the bar down the street to meet up with Rhodey.

It would be some architectural wonder that gave the illusion of floating over the waves. There would be a wall of windows so that he could see the ocean and the sunset, things he never had time for anymore. He’d have a bitchin workshop in the basement where he could play with robotics and cars, completely uninterrupted.

Opening the door of the bar, a fairly skeezy hole in the wall place, he shook himself back into reality. The beach house was just a pipe dream, so far beyond unattainable it hurt.

Walking up to the bar, he slapped some cash down and ordered a beer and a shot. Downing them both quickly, he ordered another beer. Taking his time with the second, he didn’t want to be smashed before Rhodey even arrived, he took a long, slow look at the other patrons. His eyes stopped on a group of huge, tattooed muscle heads near the pool tables.

They were loud, obviously a few drinks in, pushing each other around and telling rude jokes. Tony kept staring until one of them noticed his gaze. The man in question elbowed one of his buddies and as a group they moved toward Tony, boxing him in with his back to the bar.

Tony just continued sipping his beer, not moving from his seat or showing any tension in is body.

“Hey, you got a problem, man?” the biggest one asked, voice overly gruff.

Tony shook his head. “No, I don’t have a problem. Do you?”

“Yeah, you need to watch where you’re staring. It’s rude.” The guy crossed his arms threateningly in front of his chest, making his biceps bulge.

Putting his beer safely on the bar, “Just admiring the view, fellas,” Tony said innocently, letting his eyes roam lecherously over the man in front of him. The guy’s face instantly darkened and Tony saw the punch coming, but did nothing to avoid it. The huge fist impacted with his upper left cheek and sent him flying out of his seat onto the floor. He kicked out, getting another goon in the knee fairly spectacularly.

Within moments, it was five against Tony. Then Rhodey was there, yelling and heaving guys away, and giving as good as he got. He grabbed Tony by the elbow and shoved him toward the exit.

“Shit, Tony, run!” Rhodey hollered, pushing at Tony’s back to spur him into motion. Then they were hauling ass down the street, ducking into an alley, a couple of the muscle-heads following, but losing ground.

Too much weight lifting and not enough cardio. There was a chain link fence at the end of the alley. What the hell kind of neighborhood were they in? Tony jumped and reached for the top, Rhodey half a step behind. They tumbled to the other side, Rhodey once again pulling Tony to his feet.

They ran for a few more blocks before they stopped, completely out of breath, leaning on a brick wall.

“What the hell was that Tony?” Rhodey asked after a moment, hands resting on his knees.

“Felt like getting into a fight,” he shrugged, not meeting his friends’ eyes. Rhodey knew all about his self-destructive tendencies.

“Dammit, Tony. You couldn’t have picked some smaller guys? I think I pulled something,” he complained, putting a hand on Tony’s shoulder before turning it into a hug.

Tony rested his head on Rhodey’s shoulder and laughed. It started as a chuckle but soon he and Rhodey were sitting on the ground, leaning on one another, laughing like loons.

***

When Bucky pulled up in front of the hardware store at ten, it was already dark and abandoned. Yep, Tony was still mad at him. Shit. He’d really screwed the pooch with this one, overstepped some boundary he wasn’t aware of.

He dialed up Clint on his cell.

“Bucky, you find him?” Clint asked, bypassing greetings. At this point, they were all worried about Tony. He’d ditched them somehow after lab and had been off the grid all day, not answering texts from any of them.

“No, looks like he closed up early. There’s no sign of him here,” Bucky was disheartened. He just wanted to make sure Tony was ok and maybe have the chance to explain himself.

Once again, Steve had revealed his faux-pas. Bucky was obviously a complete moron when it came to dating. Steve had pointed out in class that Tony hadn’t exactly told them about his hypoglycemia or whatever it was called so maybe he didn’t want to draw attention to it; which is exactly what they’d all been focusing on.

Clint exhaled and Bucky could tell he was just as upset as he was. “Well, we might as well just go have a drink. Maybe we’ll have better luck tomorrow.”

“Sure, if not, I’m stopping by his apartment. He can’t avoid us forever.”

“Alright, Steve and I’ll meet you at Fury’s in twenty.” Clint hung up

Dejectedly, Bucky gazed up and down the street, hoping to see Tony’s figure but he had no such luck. Firmly shoving his helmet on his head, he kicked his bike to life and pointed it to Fury’s bar.

He arrived at the same time as Clint and Steve, so they all walked in together and they were all shocked to see Tony seated at the bar with James Rhodes. How had none of them thought to check with Tony’s best friend? That totally proved it, Bucky was a moron.

Rhodes was the first to notice them, looking over Tony’s shoulder at them. He looked awful, a black eye forming and his lip freshly split. He said something to Tony, who turned around to see them.

Bucky inhaled sharply; Tony looked so much worse. His left eye was swollen shut with a small cut below, and he had a bloody napkin shoved up is nose. Without acknowledging them, he stood and went to the back where the restrooms are. When he was halfway across the bar, Rhodes waved them over.

“Rhodey, what the hell happened to you guys?” Bucky asked, worry making him a little abrupt.

“No, I need to explain some things to you all first. Tony told me all about the weird little game you guys have been playing and that shit stops now. Tony can take care of himself, he’s always taken care of himself and he doesn’t accept charity. It doesn’t matter how you see it, that’s how he sees it. He’s fine; it’s a different definition that what you would normally use, but he’s fine.

Clint, Tony feels pretty crappy about what he said to you. He’s convinced that you never want to speak to him again. He was upset and got into a little bar fight.” Rhodes grimaced, touching his face gingerly.

“With five of the biggest guys I’ve ever seen.” He tilted his head. “Tony copes with shit in his own way. He’ll get over it. Our faces will get over it. For now, I’m taking Tony home and you guys need to wait until like noon tomorrow then come over to talk this shit out. It sounds like a huge misunderstanding.”

Clint interjected, “Can’t I apologize now? I’m not mad at him, he just caught me by surprise earlier. Tony’s never spoken to me like that before.”

Rhodes shook his head, “I understand, man. I really do. Tony is great at pushing people away, but he’s upset and more than a little drunk right now. Best wait until tomorrow.” Clint nodded in reluctant agreement.

“Bucky, you ok?” Bucky was surprised that Rhodes was asking him that. After all, it was his scheming that drove Tony to this state.

“I’m sorry, Rhodes. I didn’t think it would end up like this. I just want to take care of him.”

Rhodes stood, clapping a hand to Bucky’s flesh shoulder. “I know, and I think that’s great. I think you’re good for him. He could always use more people on his side.”

Tony was making his way back from the restroom, looking none too steady. When he reached them, Rhodes wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulders and steered him to the door. Tony didn’t make eye contact with any of them.

Bucky felt his entire soul droop.

“This sucks,” Clint dropped into Rhodes’ vacated seat and gestured at the bartender.

Bucky agreed wholeheartedly. It sucked. All he wanted to do was make Tony happy. Why was that so hard to do?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day brings some serious conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby chapter because I don't know what happened to March and April!! I have had this rolling in my head for long it hurts :)

Clint lay awake, eyes burning with imagined grit, staring once again at the ceiling of someone else’s apartment. At this point, he slept just as poorly in his own apartment as anyone else’s. Anyone’s but Tony’s, that is. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the place itself, with its constant smell of coffee and burnt metal emanating from Tony’s space heater or because Tony was there.

After talking with Phil at group, he knew that his dependency on Tony was borderline unhealthy but he hadn’t really realized it until now. Now that Tony was mad at him; mad because Clint had undermined their friendship, pushed his own agenda until his friend had snapped.

Anxiety had been bubbling up inside him since Tony’s outburst the previous day. He wasn’t at all upset about what Tony had said, he’d been well within his rights to tell him off like that. This was their first fight as friends, though, and it hurt.

There was guilt there, too, a lot of it. The things Tony had said, the obvious depth of his low self-esteem, the unabashed self-hatred reflected in that purple shiner: it meant that Clint wasn’t the friend he thought he was. He knew nothing of Tony’s past or his financial difficulties, but if he’d been paying more attention to _Tony_ and less to the man’s eating schedule maybe he could have figured it out.

Maybe he just got too used to leaning on Tony that he forgot that he may need someone to lean on in return.

Scrolling through his texts only exacerbated his guilt. Over the past month, Tony had texted him almost daily, asking about Phil, how he felt about group sessions, complaints about his other lab sections, and dorky science jokes that weren’t funny but still made Clint smile. Most of the time, Clint hadn’t responded. He knew that he’d meant to, a smiley face or a dirty joke, an acknowledgement that Clint was _here,_ that he _heard_.

Clint cringed to see that he actually had an unread text from Tony, from nearly an entire week previous. He opened it, fighting the desire to jump to his feet and run to Tony’s apartment in the dark. He had to fix this, had to fix it now.

[Tony] **Can we do that group bowling thing soon? Midterm prep is killing me man**

Now he definitely wouldn’t be getting any sleep. He stared at the ceiling, thinking over what to say to Tony to get him to understand how sorry he really was. He listened to Steve leave the apartment to go for a run and he was still awake when he returned, breathing heavily, humming absently to his iPod.

***

Breakfast was a late and rather lackluster affair. Bucky cooked enough for the three of them but no one really felt like talking. They each sucked down a more than healthy amount of coffee, leaving Clint to believe that the others had slept as poorly as he had.

When Steve’s phone chirped with a message at eleven-thirty, an all-clear from Rhodes that Tony was ready for them, Bucky and Clint were at the door and coated up in seconds.

“All right, guys. You can borrow my car, I don’t think you’ll need me. Try to remember Tony’s feelings in all of this, ok?” Steve said, holding out his keys for Bucky to take.

Bucky gave him a stink eye, but Steve didn’t flinch, jingling the keys in the air until Bucky snatched them with a snarl.

The ride to Tony’s apartment was silent and tense, both of them unsure of where the afternoon would leave them. Would either of them still be a part of Tony’s life? Clint felt like he was buzzing, his nerves lit with an anxious fire and if he stopped to examine it, he’d probably have a panic attack.

They pounded up the stairs and the door opened just as Bucky was reaching for the knob. Rhodes stepped out with his coat on. His face looked just as rough as it had the night before.

“Mornin guys,” he nodded.

“Hey Rhodes, how’s Tony?” Bucky asked, voice low and serious.

“He’s fine, just like I told you. Clint, you can go on in and talk to him. Bucky, let’s go to lunch. You and I need to have a different conversation.” Rhodes left the door ajar and shouldered past them, leaving them no choice but to comply.

Clint caught sight of Bucky’s panicked look, but could only shrug in response as he ducked into the apartment.

Tony sat in the middle of his giant, horrendous orange couch, cross-legged underneath the knit blanket he seemed to prefer. The space to his right conspicuously empty and Rhodes-sized. Tony looked sad and small, vulnerable for the first time in Clint’s eyes. His hair damp and curly, probably from a shower but the left half of his face was still swollen shut with a vibrant mix of purple and yellow bruises.

The knowledge that Tony had essentially done it to himself, believed that he deserved to be hurt like that, stung harshly.

“Tony,” Clint started, voice wavering more than he expected. “Tony, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yesterday, and for the past few weeks too. I haven’t been much of a friend to you, ignoring what you were actually saying and for treating you like a child. I understand that you probably saw it that way, I guess I didn’t really think it through.

It’s just…” Clint trailed off, running a hand through his greasy, unwashed hair. As much as he’d contemplated it last night, he didn’t know how to get the right words out.

“You’re awesome, Tony. You’ve been helping me through a really tough situation and you’re awesome at it. I can’t imagine anyone else being as supportive as you. You always know just what to say or do to bring me out of a funk. I just wanted to pay you back for that, cuz you deserve to have a friend like you, too.

“I went about it wrong, I know, but I never wanted you to feel like less than you are. And it’s totally ok that you got on me about it. I needed to hear it. So, if you’ve got anything else to say, I’ll listen. Promise.” Clint stopped speaking even though there was so much more he could say, but he would probably be repeating himself.

Tony didn’t respond, staring steadfastly at his hands, idly playing with the blanket on his lap. The silence was killing Clint. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, begging in his mind for Tony to say something, anything!

His heart soared in a rush of hopefulness as Tony lifted the corner of the blanket in invitation. Clint sat gingerly, taking care to ensure that they were pressed together from hip to knee. As much as he wanted to wrap his arm around Tony and squeeze him until he was breathless, he refrained, waiting to see what Tony wanted.

It was almost startling when Tony did speak. “Rhodey’s mom knit me this blanket for my 16th birthday,” he said quietly, voice a little on the raspy side. Clint’s head tilted toward Tony in curiosity; as he’d realized in the past day, Tony never volunteered personal information.

“I didn’t know you guys had been friends for that long,” Clint replied, keeping his own voice gentle and unassuming. No pressure, Tony didn’t owe him anything.

Tony nodded. “I spent that birthday in the hospital. The week after, too. I guess I almost died, but I don’t remember much of it.”

Clint’s mouth gaped in disbelief, this is not what he expected Tony to say.

“The guy I was seeing, I thought I loved him. It felt like it then, anyway. I know now he was just a cruel person taking advantage of what a hot mess I was.” Tony closed his eyes, seeming to hesitate.

“Tony, you don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to. I think I understand,” Clint gently rubbed his hand up and down Tony’s forearm. He was surprised when Tony grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

“He never said anything outright. It was always, ‘If you love me, you’ll take this hit’ and ‘Tony stand next to me so I’ll look thinner’. Underhanded manipulative bullshit I was too young to see.” Tony took a huge, shaky breath.

“It’s still foggy to me, but Rhodey told me enough. By my birthday, I hadn’t eaten solid food in weeks and we partied hard. I don’t know what drugs I took, but it was a lot. I remember the whiskey, though. That’s always stuck out to me.

I was so panicked, I wanted to go home but couldn’t figure out where I was or where I needed to be. Rhodey found me eventually.”

“Tony…” Clint said, reeling from the whammy Tony had just laid on him. His abusive boyfriend who manipulated him into an eating disorder and drug and alcohol abuse to the point where he’d almost died. It was more than he was ready for, but he felt nauseous applying that knowledge to the past month.

“I’ve done the therapy and the groups and I know that I don’t take care of myself the best and I punish myself for things beyond my control, but I’m so much better than I was, Clint. Don’t take that away from me.” Tony finally turned his face to Clint, a few lonely tears tracking down his cheeks. His expression was desperate for understanding, eyes brimming with uncertainty.

Clint couldn’t help himself, he turned and threw both of his arms around Tony’s shoulders crushing him to his chest. “Oh, Tony. Thank you for telling me. You’re my best friend and I never want you to hurt like that again.”

As he spoke, he realized it was more than true. He’d never had a friend like Tony before and he never wanted to let go. Tears were forming in Clint’s eyes as Tony relaxed against him, hands fisting in Clint’s shirt as if he never wanted to let go either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Bucky and Rhodey's convo!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Rhodey convo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double post weekend! Because it's snowing and I have nothing to do today and I suck at posting with any sort of consistency :)

Bucky was terrified. Rhodes was Tony’s best friend and ex-air force. He was probably was going to kick his ass for offending Tony the way he had. It didn’t help that the other man was completely silent as they walked to wherever they were going. Somewhere isolated so he could just leave Bucky’s body to rot.

He was so anxious about what was about to happen, so wrapped up in his own dire imaginings that he almost spluttered when Rhodes held open the door to a bright, modern, populated sandwich shop.

“Sandwiches ok with you?” Rhodes asked.

“Yeah, fine. Of course. Good choice.” Rhodes lifted an eyebrow at his awkward response, but didn’t call him out on it.

By the time they were seated, Bucky’s stomach was in knots. There was no way he was going to be able to eat. He tried to speak first and apologize, defend himself, but didn’t get much more than a strangled gurgle out. Rhodes just waved at him with a chip, taking a huge bite of sandwich and chewing slowly.

“Dude, I’m not here to give you the shovel talk if that’s what you’re expecting. Chill. Eat your sandwich. Like I said last night, you’re good for Tony I haven’t seen him this happy in years. I want you to keep doing what you’re doing.”

Bucky nods, not quite understanding but not about to look this gift horse in the mouth. He grabbed his own sandwich and took a bite despite still having no appetite.

“Tony and I talked quite a bit last night and this morning about what sent him off the rails and there’s some background you need to know. He’s telling Clint what he can and he’ll probably tell you too, but there’s some stuff I want to tell you.” At Bucky’s disbelieving look, he continued. “Tony knows what I’m going to tell you and he’s cool with it.”

“I don’t know why he wanted to talk to Clint first, but they’ve got some sort of weird friendship I don’t understand. But whatever, I’ve never understood Tony, but I do love him. He’s the crazy, genius little brother I never expected to have.”

Bucky broke in. “I don’t get the whole Clint / Tony thing either, but Clint said something to Steve and I’m assuming that someone hurt him and Tony helped him out.”

Rhodes nodded thoughtfully, “Similar experiences, maybe. Anyway, let’s get to it. I said I’d give Tony an hour with Clint before we came back.”

Bucky sat forward in his chair, eager to learn as much about Tony as he could.

“I met Tony when he was fifteen. I’d just left for basic and my mom kept calling me telling me that her new kid was a mess who wanted nothing to do with her. She couldn’t wait for me to come home and meet him. She thought that someone more his age could get into his head a little more.”

Bucky was confused. “Her new kid? What?”

“Well obviously not _her_ kid, she was only licensed for short term foster care. Tony was definitely her favorite and every time she had an opening, she took him in. Until the trial anyway. Then Tony was placed with a more permanent family. Don’t he’s in contact with them anymore though.”

His face must have reflected the turmoil and bewilderment in his mind, because Rhodes grimaced when he looked up from dumping his bag of potato chips onto his tray.

Rhodes sighed and tiredly rubbed his face with both hands. “And of course, Tony’s told you nothing about his family, has he?”

Bucky’s hair flapped in his face with the strength of his denial.

“Dammit, Tony,” Rhodes let out under his breath. Placing both hands on the table, he leaned toward Bucky. “Alright, I’ll give you the basics, but don’t ask Tony about his family. He’ll tell you when he’s ready. Took him years to tell me any details, ok?”

“Yeah,” Bucky breathed, unable to speak normally.

“Tony’s been in the system since he was thirteen. His mom died but his dad was still alive. Short term foster care is generally for kid whose parents can’t take care of them and maybe the plan is reunification or going to some other willing family members or permanent foster care. It depends on the situation.

Tony’s dad took him when he could, but honestly, I think Tony would have been better off without the dude from the beginning. It’s through his dad’s network of sleazeballs that he met Tiberius Stone.”

Rhodes’ face was suddenly clouded with anger and it was as terrifying as Bucky had expected. “Remember that name, Bucky. Tiberius Stone. If you ever meet that bastard, you go right ahead and punch him in the nose. He deserves it.”

“Tiberius Stone? Who’s he to Tony?” Bucky asked.

“Ty was a monster and he treated Tony like shit. He got that kid into drugs and booze, and probably more that I never saw. I was on a break before shipping out for my first tour when it got to the breaking point. Tony was in the worst shape I’d ever seen him. We generally got along, but this time he wanted nothing to do with me. He was always out, never listening to my mom and I know he loves that woman.

I got this phone call on Tony’s birthday, well, early the next morning. I was pissed cuz my mom made him a cake and we both stayed up late waiting for him to show up. I answered it, fully ready to just rail on the kid for being such a disrespectful little shit, but he was crying. He wanted to come home to us but Ty wouldn’t let him leave the party and he didn’t know where he was.” Rhodes paused to clear his throat forcefully.

He took a sip of water and continued. “I found him across town high as fuck and drunk off his ass. He was unconscious when we hit the hospital. His liver enzymes were off the charts, like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Paired with the crap in his system, his heart was having problems. They pumped his stomach, but it was close.” Rhodes looked away and wiped a tear from his eye. Bucky pretended not to see.

“My mom got him a therapist after that and Tony did his best to turn his life around. I don’t know if his hypoglycemia existed before that but I think it’s actually a good thing. Gives him small indicators that he needs to eat and he’s good at managing himself.

He’s been on his own a long time, Bucky. I’ve been there for him as best I could, but I was deployed for most of the tough times. It’s amazing that he’s come out as well-adjusted as he is. I’m beyond proud of him and he’s done it alone.”

Bucky took several large breathes, in and out, slowly, trying to pull his thoughts together. This explained so much of Tony’s insecurities, the darkness in his eyes, his hesitancy toward intimacy, and his awed appreciation of Bucky’s cooking.

“Wow,” he finally managed.

Rhodes laughed and the strange tension was gone. “He’s crazy, huh?”

Bucky laughed with him. “Yeah, but I love that crazy little guy.” Oh wow. Bucky’s eyes went wide, meeting Rhodes’ whose were just as surprised. “Umm…”

Rhodes leaned across the table to clap a sturdy hand to Bucky’s shoulder. “Good man, that’s real good. I knew I had a good feeling about you.” As he pulled his arm back, he checked his watch. “Shall we get back, then?”

***

When Bucky follows Rhodes into the apartment, he can’t help the smile at the scene before him. Tony and Clint are asleep on the couch; well Clint’s on the couch and Tony’s sprawled atop the other man. Tony’s arms hidden around Clint’s waist, drooling on Clint’ stomach. He’s glad to see that Clint is holding Tony just as tightly.

Rhodes nudged his shoulder, shaking his head fondly. “I still don’t get it, man.” He reached for the TV remote on the coffee table before stretching out on the smaller sofa.

It was almost déjà vu, walking to the end of the long sofa to sit with Clint and Tony, so reminiscent of that first night when they were all on this couch. Clint and Tony pretending to be one octopus-creature while Bucky waited on the other side for some sign of what it all meant.

He knew better this time, so he sat, taking Tony and Clint’s legs into his lap. “Geez, Clint, were you born in a freaking barn?” he says, pulling his boots off and tossing them to the floor.

He’d thought it was said quietly, but Clint still toes him in the stomach with a mumbled, “Fuck you, Barnes.”

Maybe it should have been strange, his boyfriend cuddling another man, but it wasn’t. It was innocently done. Bucky saw in the two of them the naïve closeness of small children, unafraid of seeking comfort in the solidness of one another. If this was how Tony defined his family, Bucky was more than willing to accept it.

So he watched crappy afternoon television with Rhodes, with one hand rubbing gently at Tony’s ankle and the other firmly clasped around Clint’s.

The four of them lounge on the couch for another couple of hours before the almost too-loud chirping of Rhodes’ phone startles Clint and Tony awake.

“Sorry, guys,” Rhodes says, pulling his cell out. “It’s Pepper. I’m meeting her for dinner in a bit, so I gotta run. Clint, can I give you a ride somewhere?”

“Ugh…” Clint groans, stretching his arms out above his head before putting them both around Tony and hugging him tight. “Yeah, Rhodes. That’d be cool, man, thanks.” They disentangled slowly, Clint sitting on the floor to put his boots back on.

Tony stood to give Rhodes a hug. “Ice your face and take some ibuprofen or you’ll be hearing from my mom, ok?”

Tony snickered, nodding. “Thanks, honey-bear.”

“Later, guys,” Bucky called from the couch as the other two left and he was finally left alone with boyfriend.

***

Tony felt like he’d been through the emotional wringer, but he wasn’t done yet. Rhodey had spent almost the entire night arguing with him, trying to get him to just tell Bucky and Clint what he was afraid of. _Why_ he was afraid.

It was hard to admit, but Tony loved easily and it got him into trouble. He already considered Clint as good and close a friend as Rhodey, whom he’d known for years. And Bucky. They’d been together only for a month or so, but he knew he could see a future there, together. He refused to think about it, because it terrified him, but it lurked in the depths of his heart, something small he thought had died years ago; hope.

“Tony,” he heard Bucky say from behind him. He took a breath, ready to apologize and fight for Bucky to stay with him. He turned.

Bucky was so close, he could feel the heat from his chest. “Hi, Tony,” he said, an easy smile enhancing his handsome boyish features. A hand came up to cup Tony’s chin, brushing lightly over his bruises and he leaned into it before he could stop himself.

Bucky must have been waiting for some kind of sign, because at that small submission, Tony was pulled flush against him and their lips connected. They kissed gently, both apologizing and forgiving with that mutual caress.  

“Hi,” Tony replied, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist, burying his face in the muscular chest before him. All he felt was relief, making him a little weak in the knees. They stood that way for a moment, before Bucky swooped down, grabbing Tony behind his knees and sweeping him off of his feet.

Tony may have squeaked in alarm before relaxing again, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck and leaning up to kiss Bucky’s scruffy jaw. Bucky smiled at him and Tony’s heart fluttered. Yep, it was far too easy to fall for this guy.

Bucky set Tony down on his mattress on the floor and lay next to him, head propped up on one elbow. “Tony, I’m sorry. For what happened to you before and for how I brought it all back. All I want is for you to be healthy and happy, ok?”

“Yeah, ok. I’m sorry too, you know? I may have overreacted a bit,” Tony rolled the corner of his lip into his mouth.

Bucky just laughed, a loud guffaw. “Maybe, I didn’t think there were that many exits to the lab. You won’t be able to pull that again you little punk,” he waggled an admonishing finger in Tony’s face.

“Wanna bet?” He should have known that Bucky’s response would be to attack his armpits, but he was quickly reduced to a giggling, begging wreck and his face hurt from smiling.

“You’re amazing, Tony. You amaze me every day with how strong, smart, and caring you are. And I plan on being amazed for a long time.”

Blushing, Tony pulled Bucky on top of him and kissed him fiercely, thinking of nothing but enjoying this moment.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After making up with his friends and boyfriend, Tony starts to contemplate on his past trauma and drinks some horrible coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I really didn't think it had been quite so long since I worked on this story! So sorry for the delay, but I have some more written and I hope everyone remembers what the heck is going on!

Clint had been going to this survivor/therapy group thing, he was still hesitant about what to call it, for a few months now and had yet to share his story. Some part of him didn’t believe that he had a right to be here; nothing had actually happened to him right? Not like some of the people here. He’d been rescued, saved, by the man now sitting to his left. His best friend.

Tony had yet to miss a meeting night, either. It was one of their things where they sometimes went for a giant meat-laden, greasy pizza before or out for coffee with Phil afterwards. He couldn’t have asked for a better friend, despite him being such a crappy one. He’d learned from Tony’s outburst that he had some trauma in his past but hadn’t really sought much help after so Clint was determined to be the sort of person Tony could turn to, if he ever changed his mind.

It had been a singularly strange day, though. Tony had been distant and distracted during dinner, only eat one of his usual four slices, which left Clint to pick up the slack. He regretted it slightly, trying to quiet a belch under his breath as everyone took their seats for the session. Some days it would be ok, but the feeling of the room was tense today, more serious, and he knew comedic gestures would not be appreciated.

Phil smiled at him before spreading it to everyone else in attendance and started the session with his usual spiel before asking if anyone felt like sharing. Sometimes people did, new people for the first time or regulars with an update on their recovery, and sometimes no one did. On those days, Phil usually had some topic to discuss that got the ball rolling so they weren’t a group of relative strangers staring at each other in a circle for an hour or so.

To his great surprise, Tony spoke up. “Uh.. yeah, I’d like to share today, Phil. If that’s alright?”

Clint saw that Phil looked just as surprised as he felt, though he quickly schooled his expression to something milder. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one who thought Tony was just there to support Clint.

“Of course, Tony. Please do,” Phil encouraged.

Tony visibly gathered himself, nodding but keeping his gaze on the floor in the middle of the group. “I decided to share today because I- I think that I deserve to get better. I need to let go and I think that I need help to do that.” His eyes flickered quickly to Clint’s face, but didn’t stay.

“My family hasn’t really been a thing for me for a long time and so when I was young I got involved with someone who wasn’t good for me.” Tony took a deep breathe. “Wasn’t good _to_ me. His treatment left me with a lot of body image issues because I literally had no one to tell me or show me anything different. I thought that’s what love was supposed to be.

“He threw me a birthday party, once. Or that’s what he claimed, anyway. I don’t remember much of it, but I do remember being handed drink after drink after drink. It escalated and we were snorting things and from there it’s mostly darkness and panic. A friend found me eventually and took me to the hospital. I would have died if he hadn’t.”

Clint hazarded a glance around the room; everyone was still and silent, some of the gals had tears in their eyes and Phil just looked devastated. No one was going to interrupt, though. It was how they did things. If it took Tony all night to tell his story, they would all sit and listen.

Tony shook his head to bring himself back to the story. “But the point, the docs said I was raped, probably a couple times but I don’t remember any of it. And I don’t know if that makes it worse or not. Listening to you all and your experiences, it’s really hard to reconcile what I know happened to me with what I felt. It was horrible, but I loved Ty. I would have done anything he wanted me to and I guess that’s my problem.”

Even having heard parts of that story before, the whole of it is nauseating, especially because he knows how young Tony really was and how low his self-esteem still is. He heard a quiet sniffle and, to his horror, saw a tear fall onto Tony’s knee where his hands are clasped tightly together.

They’re shaking.

That’s all it takes for Clint to throw himself out of his chair to crash to his knees in front of Tony and pull him into a bone-crushing hug.

“Tony,” he says, voice breaking even on a whisper. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever let go, especially when he feels Tony’s hands fisting in the back of his shirt. He just holds tight while Tony shudders through his sobs.

The passage of time doesn’t register to him until there’s a throat clearing behind him and an awareness of the ache in his knees and the wet spot on his chest sneaks up on him. The room is empty except for the two of them and Phil behind them.

Phil sits in Clint’s discarded chair as Tony finally pulls away from Clint. His eyes are red and puffy and he looks like he’s been through the wringer but he smiles weakly when Phil hands him a travel-size packet of tissues.

“Thanks,” he murmurs, pulling out three at once.

“I told everyone that today was going to be a short session. They were very understanding and wanted to make sure you were ok, Tony.”

“I’ll be fine,” he says before blowing his nose loudly. Gross. “I haven’t really ever talked about that part of it before. Didn’t think it would be like that.”

“Like what?” Phil prods carefully.

Tony looks at him shrewdly, but only gets an arched eyebrow in reply. “A relief.”

Phil smiles at his answer, nodding. “Thank you for sharing Tony. I hope we get a chance to talk about it more next time. Shall we go for coffee?”

***

They ended up at their usual coffee place with a stern-looking Maria Hill behind the counter. Even her ponytail looked like it meant business today.

“Hill,” Phil greeted with a small nod of his head.

“Coulson, Clint,” she replied without inflection, before smiling at Tony. “Hi Tony, your usual?”

“Yeah, thanks Maria.” He slapped a five dollar bill on the counter and went to the seat that he’d claimed when they first started coming here. Due to its proximity to Maria, it was generally free. The woman had a glare and wasn’t afraid to use it.

“Maria?” Clint asked with surprise. The two of them probably did make an odd pair, now that Tony thought about it.

“Still Hill to you. Lovebirds sit over there where I don’t have to see you.” She pointed at their two-seater table that was hidden away in a cute little nook.

Clint blushed and muttered something before taking off toward it without a backward glance. Tony watched Phil, who was looking after him with a fond expression.

“You’re ok over here, Tony?” Phil asked.

“Fine, you go. I’ve got Maria to bug now. One of these days she’ll show me how to taze someone, I just know it.”

“It’s probably going to be you,” she interjected, placing Phil’s order on the counter.

“Ok, have fun with that then, you two.”

When Phil was out of earshot, Maria whirled on Tony. “Ok, what’s up with you? I’ll withhold your caffeine until you tell me.”

Tony groaned, he did not want another heart to heart tonight. He actually didn’t want one ever again. “Nothing, just did some sharing at group today. It was a little intense.”

If he was expecting sympathy, he was gravely mistaken.

“No offense, Tony, I know emotional growth is important, yada yada whatever. But you seem a little too focused on it; yours, Clint’s, your boyfriend’s. Take a step back. It’s not going anywhere, but what about everything else? What about your robots? Your thesis? Holiday plans? You haven’t mocked the frou-frou drink of the week in at least a month.”

Tony couldn’t formulate a response. His mouth opened and closed noiselessly until Maria moved back to the register to take someone’s order. She was absolutely right. He’d been in a funk for weeks now, since he’d had that little fight with all of his friends.

He’d expected them all to leave him and they hadn’t. That was the essence of the problem. They’d mended things and everyone was a lot closer than before. Was this what healthy relationships and communication looked like?

“What’s the special?” He asked when Maria leaned back over the counter by him, chin propped up on an elbow.

She smirked. “It’s called the Queen Anne. It has cherry and amaretto syrups with a dollop of whipped cream and a cherry on top.”

“Ew.” He made a yuck face. “Is that supposed to be like those stupid candies with the cherries in the sweet snot stuff?”

“Yep. Want to try it?”

“Hell yeah, split it with me?”

“First one to barf looses.”

“You’re on, Hill.” Just like that, he felt like himself again. Grounded by coffee and new friends.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving! Will Tony end up spending the holidays alone like he expects to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super long chapter to celebrate my return! Little tiny bit of sexytimes at the end... probably be about as much as this story gets because it was horribly awkward for me to write! Lol but whatever!

Until Maria had brought it up, Tony hadn’t even remembered the upcoming holidays. He usually did his best to hide away from the cheer and festivities by locking himself in the library or the lab and working until he passed out. Wake up, caffeinate, and repeat. Bonus points because not many people hung out on campus during the breaks and now that he was a TA he had keys to some of the buildings. Not even official closures could keep him out now!

He was going to get so much work done! The University had turkey day break for the entire week, so if he started right away on Saturday, he would have at least five days to get his robot’s learning code finished and maybe even start installing it. Take a break on Thursday and then he could work until Sunday when everyone started coming back. Perfect!

Maybe he was so deep in emotional denial that he didn’t even know it anymore, but he hadn’t had a family to celebrate with in a long time. The last real Christmas he had was with Rhodey’s family after he’d turned 16. It had been absolutely miserable, with him only about 6 months sober and still a detoxing, emotional mess but still the best Christmas he’d ever had.

A small part of him wished he could go home with Rhodey this year but he didn’t want to butt in on their family too much. Plus, he still had memories of the best Christmas, why would he want to replace them? It was better this way, anyway.

Now, if he could only get his boyfriend to quit talking about it.

“Two more days ‘til freedom!” Bucky exclaimed, slinging an arm around Tony’s shoulders as they walked across campus.

“Woohoo! And no more lab!” Clint ran ahead of them with an arm outstretched, high fiving anyone who was paying attention, whether he knew them or not. That was the strange thing about college that Tony didn’t understand; the complexities of student camaraderie. In no other situations was it ok to take candy or food from strangers, or get in their cars, but here it was the norm. The whole thing was one giant social experiment that he wanted no part of. Soft sciences were not his strong suit.  

“No offense, Tony,” Steve tacked on at the end, but Tony just rolled his eyes at their antics. Hey, didn’t like teaching the lab any more than they liked taking it.

“Well, only a few more weeks and I’ll have a better bunch of students, hopefully.” It didn’t stop him from giving as good as he got.

“Ahh, but Tones! Aren’t we your favorite?!” Clint whined from Tony’s other side, trying to tug him out from under Bucky’s arm.

Tony pretended to think about it, “You know there are students who come to office hours and bring candy and coffee. I think they’re my favorites.”

“I’ll bet none of them provide sexual favors!” Clint cawed before hooting and laughing like a loon and running away from Bucky, who was chasing him with murder in his eyes.

“You little shit! Get back here!”

“So what are your plans for Thanksgiving, Tony? My Ma’s always got room for one more if you’d like to join us? It’s only an hour’s drive or so.”

Steve was always so sweet. How he became friends with their bunch of wild, rude hooligans Tony would never understand. “Thanks Steve, but I’m just doing my usual.” Change the subject! Change the subject! “So your mom has a big shindig, then?” Tony thought Steve would have seen through it, but he hasn’t spent enough time with the man for him to be able to recognize his avoidance techniques, and he’s off talking about his mother who apparently is a saint.

He could do this. Only two more days of avoiding the topic and listening to all his new friends rave about how great their families are. How excited they are to go home. He won’t begrudge them their holiday joy, but it’s been a long time since Tony’s had a place to call home. He’d thought that maybe home could include Bucky someday, but it was probably too soon to be thinking like that. The man had his own home: mom, dad, sisters, the whole shebang.

Tony had nothing. No one. It was fine, really. So he plastered on a smile and listened while a tiny part of his heart died with every story.

***

Clint hadn’t slept in days and it was finally getting to him; he’d glared a trash can down earlier that day when he’d thrown his coffee cup away and some dregs had splashed back out at him. It was time to take desperate measures, so he’d waited until it was dark and was now standing outside of Tony’s apartment. He knew Bruce was staying with Betty and her folks for the break (it wasn’t going all that well according to his text messages, though) and he thought Tony had mentioned seeing his dad or something.

Hand on the knob, he hoped beyond hope that Tony had been his usual strange self and left the door unlocked. Turning his hand, he exhaled gratefully when it opened easily; he fist-pumped silently in victory. Tony’s disregard for his stuff and personal safety was generally a cause for concern, but it was definitely a nice alternative to breaking and entering in this case.

The apartment was dark and quiet, the only light coming from the bare bulb above the stove that Tony kept on at night for whoever was coming or going. Clint smiled, treating it as a tacit invitation to make himself at home. Since he was alone, though, he locked the door behind him and kicked off his shoes. The orange couch looked inviting as ever, but he knew that his mind and body was missing Tony and the comfort of his friend, so he just dumped his outside clothes on the floor and proceeded to Tony’s bedroom.

It was dark but he shuffled forward slowly and was able to keep himself from injury on all the junk Tony kept. The blankets were bunched in the middle of the mattress, so Clint lay and started pulling some onto him, grabbing for the bit of pillow he could see. He froze as a hand came out of nowhere and flopped halfheartedly toward his face.

He heard a series of grumbling then, “Quit it, ‘m sleepin’.”

Eyes widening, Clint flipped all the blankets down. “Tony?!”

Sure enough, at the bottom of the blankets and glaring blearily up at him was Tony, dark hair mussed and fluffy. As dark as it was in the room, Clint could see the serious dark bags ringing his eyes and instantly knew that Tony had spent most of break so far in the lab.

“I thought you were going home for break?” He asks, burrowing down next to Tony, who latched onto him with both arms and buried his face in Clint’s rib cage. It tickled, but he already felt better just having Tony with him, so he let it be.

“I’s no home,” Tony slurred, nuzzling his nose at Clint.

Clint was confused. “What? I thought you said you were seeing your dad. Are you leaving later this week?” He wasn’t trying to pry, but if Tony was going to be on campus for Thanksgiving maybe they could have it together. Or just go for pizza… Anything was better than spending the holidays alone.

He could tell from the deep, slow breathing that Tony was almost asleep again. Maybe he should ask again in the morning, but Tony eventually tossed out an answer. “I got two hours Thursday cuz Dad was finally on good behavior for longer than a week.” There’s a hugely long pause and Clint didn’t quite understand what Tony meant.

“Prison food sucks, though.”

A snore.

Clint was no longer tired. What?! Tony’s dad was in prison? Where was the rest of his family? Why hadn’t he told anyone? No, wait, never mind. Clint would never willingly talk about his shitty family so why should anyone else? It was just… sad. Had he really never asked Tony about his family before? Thinking it through, he realized that he didn’t actually know all that much about his friend.

After the fight they’d had the month prior because Clint and the gang had pushed boundaries they hadn’t known existed, he’d made a point of not forcing anything on Tony. If he wanted to eat lunch with his friend, he asked if he wanted to go. There was no more convincing or wheedling of time and attention, there was just a request for his presence and gratitude when Tony was able to hang.

A familiar guilt settled in his stomach because he also knew that Tony somehow always had time to go with him to group, despite the fact that he had friends there now – Phil, included. He shifted slightly so that he was lying on his side causing Tony to grumble and tighten his arms around him. It was incredible how someone so generous and clingy could also be so effective at keeping people at arm’s length.

Frustrating was another word for it.

An idea started to percolate in the back of his head. Celebrating Thanksgiving for only two hours with crappy food (in prison, no less!) and one’s incarcerated father – that wasn’t good enough. Tony deserved more than that. Maybe they could do a late friends-giving, if he could get everyone back in town early enough. He’s sure most of their friends would be willing to do that.

It would have to wait until morning, though. Sleep was finally _finally_ tugging at his eyelids, the warmth from Tony’s body and their blanket burrito seeping into his every molecule and relaxing his mind. Tomorrow he would make his plans.

***

Sunlight was streaming into the room around the cardboard Tony had taped to his windows in lieu of curtains, bright and cheerful. Clint groaned in protest. It was too early to be cheerful and he needed to catch up on at least two more days of sleep.

“Clint?”

The warm weight pressed against his left moved and the blankets pulled further away from his head letting in even more light. He opened his eyes a crack to see Tony’s confused face and the wildest case of bedhead he’d ever seen. It made him laugh and he was suddenly in a much better mood.

“When did you get here?” Tony scooted upward and flopped back down to actually put his head on the pillow with Clint’s.

“I don’t know, pretty late, though. You were out of it.” Clint pulled an arm out to further muss up Tony’s dark locks. “Hey, you didn’t tell me you were still going to be in town for the holiday break.”

Tony shrugged, leaning into Clint’s hand, “Thought you were going to be gone with everyone else, so it didn’t seem important to mention. I expected to be alone. Usually am.”

His hand paused its’ random patterns through Tony’s hair. Most of their friends had known that Clint wasn’t going home for the holiday and he’d actually turned down requests to tag along from a few of them, including a more desperate one from Bruce and a very tempting one from Steve (the guy’s mom could cook!).

“Rhodes didn’t invite you over?” If anyone was going to see through Tony’s crap and get him to do something, it was James Rhodes.

“No, they’re full this year. It’s ok. I really don’t mind being alone – I’ve practically got free reign of the labs.” To anyone who didn’t know Tony it would sound like he genuinely doesn’t mind, but Clint wasn’t fooled. There was a lonely twinge to his voice that made the space behind Clint’s sternum ache.

“What about Bucky? Thought taking the boyfriend home for the holidays was a thing?” Tony tensed, moving his head away and he instantly knew that he’d said the wrong thing.

“I think we’re too new for that and I wouldn’t want to intrude. Buck seemed really excited to see his sisters.” Tony drug himself off of the mattress, stretching and Clint mentally berated Bucky for being a dumbass. Did he really forget to ask Tony his holiday plans? According to Steve, introducing Tony to his sisters was all Bucky could talk about. He must have chickened out.

“I don’t think it’s too early, but that’s just me,” Clint smiled at Tony and got up, too. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re still in town. Want to take a break today and have some adventures with me?” He really would like to spend the day goofing around town with Tony, who was quickly becoming his best friend.

Tony whirled around to stare at him, a bit of confusion evident on his face, but was quickly replaced with joy. “Umm, yeah, I would actually. Can I have a couple hours, though? I need to get a little bit done in the lab today, but then we could go and do whatever.”

“Great!” Clint pulled him into a short hug just because he could. “I’m gonna go home and shower, maybe call Phil and I’ll swing by the lab later.” Tony murmured an agreement, accepting the hug somewhat bewilderedly and wandered into his own bathroom. Feeling extra sensitive to his friend’s needs, Clint started up the coffee maker before he let himself out of the apartment.

He pulled out his phone and started a group text. This was going to be the best Thanksgiving ever, he was sure of it.

***

Tony trudged along the icy mud-covered slick path between the bus stop and his apartment. It was only a couple blocks of misery with the wind chapping his lips and cheeks. He didn’t know what happened to his hat; probably left it at the prison with the shattered remains of his dignity.

Howard had been a real jerk today, never mind that it was a holiday, the holiday where you were supposed to be grateful for the family you had. Tony was just grateful that it was over. He planned on falling into bed for the rest of the day and maybe watching Netflix crap on his laptop. Angrily, he wiped the lingering tears from his face.

Rhodey had told him a million times that his dad wasn’t worth his time and he knew it was probably true. The man did nothing but tear him down and leave him an emotional wreck. He knew that, but Howard was the only family he had left. Without him, he had nothing. No one. He was alone. Withholding the sob that was trying to burst its way out of his chest he went up the stairs to the apartment and opened the door.

“HAPPY THANKSGIVING!” He jumped as he was greeted with the yelling of what looked to be all of his friends gathered in his living room for some reason.

“W-what?” He stammered, standing in shock in the doorway, heart pounding with his surprise. Steve and Bucky were standing over by the entry to the kitchen, both grinning hugely with beers in their hands; Bruce and Betty were on the big couch with a redhead he only knew from pictures on Clint’s phone; and he heard the familiar laughs of Rhodey and Pepper.

Why were they here? Were they all here for him? In his already tender state, he thought he was either going to laugh or start sobbing uncontrollably. His lower lip was wobbling, he could feel it. From out of nowhere, Clint attacked him with a hug and he hid his face in his friends’ neck until he could get his emotions under control.

“Happy Thanksgiving Tony,” Clint whispered into his hair while he clung to him.

It took monumental effort to pull himself together, but he did, pulling back enough to smile at Clint. It may have been a little watery, but the other didn’t bring it up. “Did you plan all this?” He asked, voice rough.

Clint hadn’t let go of his shoulders and Tony was content with the contact, it was grounding. “Yeah!” Clint exclaimed with pride. “Surprised?”

Tony nodded, grinning to match Clint’s expression. “Very. I hope none of you cooked.” Even pooled together, their cumulative cooking abilities were slim, Bucky and Bruce being the only exceptions.

“Nah,” Clint whirled, slinging his arm around Tony’s shoulders and pulling him further into the apartment toward the kitchen. “Bruce did something that smells magical and Bucky handled dessert and everyone else brought something from home. Turns out everyone’s families are pretty supportive of the whole ‘friends-giving’ thing.” His smile was broad and warm as he gestured at their little table that was crowded edge to edge in food.

Happiness was bubbling up inside him, more than he’d ever felt before and it burst out of him with a delighted laugh. He grabbed Clint in a fierce, tight hug. “Thanks Clint! This is amazing!”

No one had ever done something so nice for him before. Who would give up time with their family to hang out with friends? Especially when they were together so frequently?

His friends apparently, and he had more than he thought. This had to be his favorite Thanksgiving ever.

***

Later that night, as his friends started to drift out the door, Tony lounged on the couch in a food coma. He could see his stomach pooched out and couldn’t remember ever eating that much good food in one sitting. Bucky and Steve were in the kitchen cleaning up, the sounds of their conversation and laughter drifting out to him. He should be helping, but there was no way he could drag himself off of the couch.

Bruce and Betty had retreated back to Bruce’s room and he watched with heavy-lidded eyes as Clint kissed Phil goodbye at the door. He wasn’t aware that the two of them had moved forward from friendship to something less casual but he should have suspected when Phil showed up mid-way through dinner with wine, pecan pie, and his usual smart attire.

Clint was grinning and had a slight pink tinge to his cheeks when he turned around, so Tony smirked. “So,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “You and Phil?”

Clint flounced over the couch and threw himself down with his legs across Tony's lap. “Yeah,” he replied breathily. “Just now, actually.”

Both of Tony’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “And you’re not leaving with him?” They’d been dancing around each other for months now and the tension was equal parts annoying and adorable.

“No, today is for my best friend, Tony. I wanted him to know that I’m grateful to have met him because he’s awesome in every way.”

Tony gaped until Clint pulled him down so that they were lying smushed together on the couch, Tony’s legs below Clint’s but his torso on Clint’s chest. “I don’t have any family either, Tony. I know how hard it can be to let people in but there’s that one saying, you know, ‘friends are the family you choose’. So, Tony thanks for being my friend.”

Tony didn’t know how to respond to that. It was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him. Today was definitely the best Thanksgiving he’d ever had, despite how it had started out. He clung tighter to his friend and whispered, “Thanks Clint. For everything.”

***

“Are you sure you’re not dating both of them?” Steve asked with a laugh from the kitchen doorway.

“What?” Bucky dried his hands on a dishtowel before joining him to see what he was referring to. He smiled when he saw Clint and Tony snuggled up on the couch together, limbs twisted together so that it was impossible to tell what was whose. They were both asleep. He shook his head, moving back to where a pile of dishes were still waiting to be dried. “Nah, Stevie, they’re just weird like that.”

“It doesn’t bother you when they do that?” There was no judgment to Steve’s question, just honest curiosity. Steve started to put the dried dishes back into the cupboards. Probably the wrong ones, but he doubted Tony or Bruce would notice or care.

He thought about it for a moment, considering what he knew about Tony’s difficult past and the panic attack of Clint’s he’d witnessed. He knew that they had a connection, a deep one, but it wasn’t a romantic one and he would be a fool to interfere because of his own insecurities.

“Not anymore,” he said finally, softly. “I think they’ve gone through similar things, traumatic things that they don’t really share with anyone else. But they have that understanding, you know?”

Steve nodded, catching his eye with a sad smile. He knew. They had a similar understanding about their time in the service. It helped to know you weren’t alone in something like that.

“They’re like puppies when they’re together. It’s kinda cute,” Steve shrugged and Bucky snickered at the comparison. It was freakishly accurate. Clint and Tony together had two modes, playful and energetic where they bounced around like children and fed off each other’s energy or sleepy cuddles where they morphed into one many-limbed slothful creature.

“They are. I don’t know about Clint but I think Tony’s been lonely for a long time.”

“I think you’re right,” Steve agreed, keeping his voice low like Bucky. “He was about to cry when he came in and he looked like he’d done some already today.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m glad Clint called us all back for this. I just wish Tony had said something about not having plans. I would have brought him home in a heartbeat if I’d known.”

“Maybe he didn’t want you to know. From what Clint said, Tony didn’t even tell _him_ he was staying in town and Clint was pretty obvious that he was going to be around. Even turned down my invitation to come home with me.”

It hurt a little, but he knew Steve was probably right. He and Tony had come a long way in the sharing and trusting front, but Tony kept so much to himself, practically had armor to protect him from letting anyone in.

“You’re right. He only told us about the low blood sugar cause he crashed in front of us and then look where we took it. I don’t blame him, but I wish there was more I could do.”

Steve clapped him on the shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. “Just take it slow, Buck. You’re good for each other, I can tell. He’ll let you in eventually.”

“You know patience isn’t one of my virtues, right?” He raised a brow, mockingly.

“You have virtues?” Steve shot back.

“Alright, that’s it. Get out of here, you punk! We don’t need that kind of sass here.” Bucky pushed and prodded Steve along, who fought back by standing still with his not inconsiderable bulk. It was ridiculous and quickly devolved into a tickle fight slash wrestling match that didn’t stay very quiet.

Bucky finally had Steve in a headlock but the blonde was crushing his torso with a pointy, powerful elbow and they were talking shit to each other about nothing in particular when they heard laughter from the couch. They both froze and looked over. Clint was sitting up and Tony was slumped back against his chest, but both of them were awake and smiling.

“Oh no, don’t mind us!” Clint crowed before breaking into laughter again, Tony joining in.

Bucky and Steve scrambled to separate and when he caught sight of Steve’s reddened cheeks he pushed him back down the floor, exclaiming, “Victory!”

“Cheater!” Steve protested with a huff as he rose to his feet once more.

“Now to claim my prize!” Bucky was in a playful mood now, any misgivings trumped by a little roughhousing with his best friend. He swooped over to the couch and swept Tony up in a bridal carry, laughing when he squawked in protest, but proceeded to dance around the room sticking his tongue out at Steve.

His victory was short-lived, however. Clint dove off of the couch onto his back and he crashed to his knees before the three of them ended in a pile on the floor. Steve was suddenly across his torso, yelling, “Get him guys!”

He felt betrayed when Tony and Clint immediately went for his weak spots, merciless fingers scrabbling at his armpits and socked feet. He was breathless with laughter and tears were streaming down his face and his opponents showed no signs of stopping when another voice joined in.

“Uhhh… what are you all doing?” Bruce stood in his doorway in his pajamas, squinty-eyed behind his glasses.

“Oh, sorry Bruce,” Tony said with a grin that wasn’t sorry at all. “We were just messing around.”

“The four of you?” Bucky realized that they must have looked absolutely ridiculous, him flat on his back with Steve doing his best to hold him down, Clint hanging on to his left leg, and Tony practically sitting on his chest.

“Yep, want to join?” Clint asked cheekily.

“Not on my life,” Bruce replied in deadpan. “Good night, guys.”

When the door shut quietly behind him, Tony and Clint burst into giggles and Steve sat up so he was kneeling. “That got a little out of hand,” the blonde said sheepishly.

“Best Thanksgiving ever!” Tony leaned over and kissed Bucky on the mouth.

“And that’s my cue to leave!” Steve stood and hauled Clint to his feet as well. “Clint you need a ride somewhere?” He offered his hand to Tony next, then Bucky, pulling him in for a quick hug and manly back-patting.

“Sure, thanks Steve!” Clint hugged Tony and they whispered a few things to one another, then Clint was off getting his and Steve’s cold weather gear from the coat closet. Bucky watched the pleased surprise on Steve’s face when Tony hugged him suddenly. Tony was handsy with a lot of people, but so far, Steve hadn’t been one. It looked like that might be changing, though.

“Thanks for coming over, Steve,” Tony said as he pulled away.

Steve’s smile was almost blinding, “Oh no, it was my pleasure Tony!”

“Happy Thanksgiving guys and good night!” Clint saluted them jauntily and then Bucky and Tony were alone.

Bucky didn’t bother locking the door behind them even though it took a bit of effort and turned to face Tony, who was sporting a gigantic grin.

“What?” He asked.

“Just wondering why you’re here. I thought you were really excited to see your family and your sisters?”

Bucky smiled and walked over to Tony to wrap him in his arms and kiss him long and hard, slipping his tongue in. Tony opened to him immediately, eyes fluttering shut, and sighing into his mouth. “I did and it was good to see them again, but I’ll see them in a few weeks at Christmas. This seemed more important right now, though.”

Tony didn’t open his eyes, so Bucky kissed both of his eyelids and his forehead. “I’m sorry, Tony, I guess I didn’t realize that you wouldn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays. I’ve been talking you up to the fam and they were all pretty pissed that I didn’t bring you home with me.”

Tony’s eyes flew open at that, wide and brown and maybe a little wet. “Really?”

“Yeah, babe. What do you say? Will you do Christmas with the Buchanan clan?” He made sure he had on his most charming smile.

“Uhh…yeah. Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude. It’s really a family holiday and all…” Tony babbled and looked away, but Bucky didn’t let him step out of his arms.

“Tony.” He waited until his boyfriend was looking at him again. “I want you there with me and my family. Please?”

Tony’s face broke into a huge smile, joy so obvious in his expression. It was a good look for him and Bucky couldn’t help but dive back down, capturing his mouth with his own. Bucky bent to grab him around the waist and carry him to the bedroom and Tony’s arms wrapped around his neck without breaking their kiss.

Bucky kicked the door shut behind him as quietly as he could, well aware that Bruce’s patience only went so far and he had a hell of a temper. He’d never seen it in action, but it was infamous and Clint refused to talk about the last time he pissed off the big guy. Until he saw it for himself he’d probably wonder about why his nickname was ‘the big guy’ when he was smaller than both him and Steve.

Whatever. Not what he wanted to focus on right now.

Right now he had Tony beneath him, his adorable fluffy-haired boyfriend with a tender heart of gold that he wore on his sleeve, and a neck that was just calling out to be nibbled on. So he did. He covered Tony’s body with his own and kissed and sucked and lightly bit a line from right underneath an ear, down, paying close attention to his pulse point, and ending at the hollow of his throat.

Tony’s reactions were beautiful. Bucky could do this all night, listening to the breathy moans and whimpers, and the occasional giggle when he hit a particularly ticklish spot. He stopped, though, when he felt hands on his belt buckle.

“Tony?”

“I want to, with you. I do, really,” Tony was panting but serious.

“Ok,” Bucky replied, smiling fondly. He trusted Tony enough to know that if he said he was ready to take it to the next level that he really meant it. “What would you like me to do?” His voice was a quiet, deep, rumble. Oh gods, all the things he wanted to do Tony were flickering through his mind’s eye; things he’d refused to think about in much detail before because he wasn’t a complete caveman.

It must have done something for Tony, though because he was grabbed by his hair and yanked into an unforgiving, searing kiss. After a minute of the hottest make out session he’d ever been privy to, they pulled apart to breathe.

“Maybe we could just…” Tony made a halfhearted motion with his hands but it was enough.

“You want me to jerk us off? Together?” He was already sitting up to pull off his shirt and Tony continued to undo his belt and jeans.

“Yes. Please.”

It was probably ridiculous, but he was a little intimidating to be naked in front of Tony. He hadn’t been with anyone _seriously_ since he’d been back stateside. Somehow Tony knew that though, and put his fears to rest.

“You’re gorgeous, you know.” He ran calloused fingers lightly along the thick scarring near his shoulder. “I had such a crush on you since the first day of lab. I thought for sure you’d noticed.” His eyes were dark and serious, but there was no pity there, no horror or disgust. Neither of them had said it yet, but it looked a lot like love. It was heady, whatever it was and it made Bucky feel strong, invincible.

“I didn’t,” Bucky rolled to one side so that he could unfasten Tony’s jeans and pull them from his legs along with his boxers. He took his time kissing and touching on his way back up. “Was probably too busy daydreaming about you.”

He wanted to take Tony’s erect cock into his mouth to taste the forbidden skin and salt there, or maybe tease one of the dark perky nipples, but he didn’t want to push too fast so he reclaimed Tony’s tongue, sucking it into his mouth.

“Lube?” He backed away enough to ask, feeling his lips move against Tony’s as he spoke.

“Uuuhhh…” A strange kind of pride filled him at being able to make his genius this incoherent. “Drawer. Bottom.” Tony’s hand flailed at his chest of drawers, the only real piece of furniture in his room besides his desk.

Bucky kissed Tony again, pushing him into the mattress and pulling a bit on his hair with both hands, loving when Tony’s hips jolted upward in surprise. “Be right back,” he whispered.

He rummaged through the messy catch-all junk drawer until he saw the purple tube of lube. Squirting a healthy amount on his flesh palm, he looked Tony over and couldn’t help his leer. His boyfriend was debauched and they hadn’t even really started; his hair was more of a mess than usual, cheeks flush and lips swollen. Bucky could see more red along the column of his neck, a combination of hickeys and beard-burn from Bucky’s unshaven holiday scruff. His knees were casually spread, waiting for Bucky’s return so he wasted no more time.

He crawled up Tony’s body once more, aligning their erections and grabbing them both in his slick hand. It was glorious. Tony’s hands were everywhere on him, encouraging with nails and squeezes and it was over much too quickly, Bucky spilling over with a groan as Tony thrust into his palm once, twice, then joined him with a quiet, “Buu-hnngg,” that tapered quickly into a happy sigh.

Bucky took a moment to catch his breath before kissing Tony quickly in the middle of his sternum (of course he giggled at that) and grabbing his shirt to wipe up their mess. When he lay back down, Tony scooted as close as he could physically get and pulled the comforter around them.  

Tony put a hand to his cheek, tilting his head for a kiss. “Happy Thanksgiving, Bucky.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, babe.”


End file.
